


Unspoken

by yourthyla



Series: Unspoken [1]
Category: Kuroshitsuji | Black Butler
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Crimes & Criminals, Drinking Games, Falling In Love, Gyms, Hurts So Good, M/M, Madness, Manipulation, Murder, Sad, Smoking, Smut, Tattoos, Very AU, ciel in glasses, sebastian doesn't talk really
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-11-01
Updated: 2015-10-03
Packaged: 2018-02-23 12:58:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 12
Words: 42,444
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2548319
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yourthyla/pseuds/yourthyla
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ciel suffers from depressions and he's bored to death with his life, until a psychopathic manipulator finds interest in him and drags him into his macabre life. There, Ciel finds happiness, seemingly. But does he really know this stranger in black who never talks? In the end of day, nobody does. AU, SebaCiel.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Tutorial: How to become a madman

**Author's Note:**

> Hi guys! Has anybody read Unspoken before? I deleted this story and some of you said you liked it very much. However I corrected a few things in the first chapter (you should surely read it again, at least to remember what's going on) and I completely made up the whole plot and I'm very excited about this story once again! I'll surely continue if you let me know you are in! I spent hours, no DAYS thinking about this story, day and night, I'm sure about it now. Unspoken is reviving, it's coming, it's here. And it's a challenge to me, honestly, especially Sebastian's character. Soo I hope you'll enjoy!~

"Please, don't make me do that."

His lips trembled when a soft whisper penetrated them and formed one vain plea. The plea so useless, having no real purpose. Just like himself. He knew this was his choice, therefore making someone stop it was against his own will. The young man averted his gaze from the sleeping beauty under his straddled trembling legs, to look at the tall silhouette sitting on the window.

He didn't expect an answer, and he did not get any. His tired eyes began to water, staring in the darkness, they captured a burning sparkle. The shadow slid his finger over the lighter trigger, and for a mere second his face was visible. Black cigarette between lips, eyebrows arched, expression painfully shrill. Eyes burning just like fire. Lifting his thumb off the trigger, the light disappeared and just smoke remained around the figure. However the goose bumps on younger's body lasted, throbs of his heart racing and racing every time seeing that ruthless face.

With a hard swallow, the blue eyed man turned back at the serene woman sleeping on the bed. Hardly could he bear the intermitted breathing, hardly stop tears rushing in his eyes. But the clock ticked, once, twice, and though the figure watched him perfectly quiet and patiently, anxiety seized his body.

He aimed the sharp edge of a small knife against woman's chest, between breasts. When her eyes snapped open, the attacker gasped and without any pinch of self-control left, he started stabbing her body like insane, not able to look in her eyes wide opened. Closing his own eyes tight, he violated the flesh with the knife, murdering the dearest woman of his life. And he didn't know why. He felt like possessed, he needed to let our all the anger he has ever held within him. All the hatred in humanity.

In the frantic attack he forgot to stop, though the body was already lifeless. His extended arm was firmly gripped by hand in leather glove and the attacker looked around to see his companion. He dropped the knife. The man dressed all in black dragged him off the bed roughly and removing the cigarette from his mouth, he pulled the trembling body to himself, quavering lips pressing on his cold mouth. Ciel found consolation, the rage subsiding immediately, he was calm again.

"I did it. I killed her, I did, Sebastian." He whispered in frightened voice, his shaking hands grabbing the lapels of the long black coat. He looked up. Seeing Sebastian's composed face, his expression changed again, into an insane smirk. "I killed her." He repeated, with absolute joy this time and fell on his knees, because he practically went crazy.

Sebastian calmly exhaled some more smoke from his lungs and slowly hunkered down to face him. He placed fingers under his chin to raise his heavy head with feather-like touch.

"Good job. We're leaving now."

The teary sapphire eyes widened, staring into the wall. For a while he dropped breathing when a hot flush captured his body. Two simple sentences inflamed Ciel's frozen heart. His stomach twisted with so far unknown feeling, limbs feeling weak. So that's what it takes to hear his deep velvet voice for the first time. Three months of madness.

* * *

**1: Tutorial: How to become a madman**

_Three months ago_

It was cold, so cold. Snowstorm raging, having no mercy with something as mankind. Chicago streets were coated in pure glittering snow, reaching up to ankles. Late half-broken Christmas decoration hung uselessly on lighted street lamps and the holiday joy vanished from the city as well Ciel's faith in humanity.

Melancholic, blasé man: introducing Ciel Phantomhive. Truly, Christmas weren't anything that would brighten his life twice. But what would, after all? Ciel was bored to death, tried to commit suicide several times but in the end started thinking philosophically and came to a conclusion, that death is even more boring than life. And then always went to bakery to buy himself a cake. He was kind of strange character, found pleasure in very few things in life (let alone people) but when he did, it was worth his while. Today, though, it was absolutely nothing.

Wrapping a grey pea coat closely to his tender body, he made his way through the fresh snow on the pavement. He was freezing to the core of his bones, although he knew how cruel winters in Illinois can get. Every exhaled breath was followed by a little cloud of steam, disappearing in the frosty air. Finally he reached the door to the place of meet up. Warm environment surrounded the 5"8' tall gentleman entering the spacious room full of hungry guests and hasty waiters. And there, by window, his woman was sitting – blond, sophisticated, beautiful, dull as hell. That's it, the way he would describe her using six words. Nevertheless, Ciel was a man who appreciated beauty and intelligence; and since he has never found a woman he would consider intelligent or even wise, he got reconciled to finding pleasure in beauty. And Elizabeth Midford surely was stunning.

"Elizabeth," he used naming as greeting when sitting in front of his charming company.

"Ciel, honey, you're late." She scowled and glanced down at her half-empty glass of white wine.

"I got stuck at work." He claimed, making her sigh.

"I'm not surprised."

After some small talk, Ciel decided to get straight to the main topic. He has decided for a life change. Not because he thought it would finally make his life happier, but because he thought it's what he should do, and what Elizabeth eagerly expects. No, seriously, she was too eager to hear him saying this for at least three months.

Ciel pulled a little box from his coat pocket and rubbed it between his fingers under the table before he spoke up.

"I have something to tell you." He said with straight face, looking up in her lustrous emerald eyes. It has been three weeks since he bought it, yet it didn't get further than from his pocket into his hand. Because he wasn't sure, he realized he should marry someone he would dedicate whole heart to, someone he would die for. But he's never felt that way before – love didn't exist to him. And if she thinks this is love and it's perfect, he didn't care if they're married or not. It was not like he finds someone worth more.

"Yes, hold the thought. Talking about work, have you got the premium? I was thinking, what about Egypt or Dubai instead of California?" And the woman pulled out a leaflet she received God knows where and shifted it on the table to her partner. The male furrowed eyebrows and sighed in annoyance. How dare she. He finally decided to make her stubborn femininity happy so she would stop bitching and that's what he gets.

"No." Shoving the box quickly into pocket again he kept looking at her strictly.

"Excuse me?" She straightened her back and cocked an eyebrow.

"Who do you think I am? I'm employed for two years barely." With a steady determined look he pushed his Ray-Ban glasses up the bridge of his nose.

With no hint of respect, the woman stood up, disappointed and angry. "Just like always. You know, I didn't even expect you to keep your promise. I need a stable man, Ciel, you're 24 for Christ's sake, how come you can't take care of one woman?! You're skilled graphic designer, they do raise a lot, you promised!" She shouted like a little bitch, making scene and embarrassing herself, whilst Ciel was patiently leaning elbow on the backrest and waited.

"Elizabeth." After his vain attempt to calm her down, she clothed herself in a long white coat while already walking out and raised her hand distinctively not to follow her. Not that he was about to. She was gone in seconds. Left alone once again, Ciel run hand through his hair, letting out a bored puff.  _Which fucking idiot even came up with the idea of marriage?_

After Ciel paid the wine for his girl, he left the restaurant and looked around the street, finding her nowhere.  _What a miserable week, no, what a miserable life_. He corrected himself in his mind and walked further in the snow. It wasn't smart idea to return home to Elizabeth, from his own experiences it was better to leave her to cool down, so he decided to visit gym, which was just on the way.

In a few minutes he was standing in front of a tall modern building, which was glowing in the dark street with its windows. Glancing at his wrist watches, he found out he only has something over an hour before closing up so he hurried into the fitness center.

Ciel knew the majority of customers here since they visit the place at regular time as well as him, but this time the community was entirely different. To be honest, it was full of odd bods. A strange R&B music was playing in the background ( _where is the pop rock that used to play?_ Ciel thought.) In the rhythm of beats he led his steps into the dressing room and all the eyes rose to look the rather small frame of his over. All tattooed man, lifting his dumb-bells; bronde crew cut dude, who licked his lips way too queerly and even a woman running on the treadmill looked damn creepy. The not belonging fellow made his way between the few guests and reached the changing rooms, where he was finally alone-

Actually,  _almost_  alone. He caught a sight of a person in the right part of the room. Broad tattooed shoulders, long bare back, pitch black hair reaching the nape, arm stretched out to reach the locker beside. Long legs clothed in fitting black pants and equally black undershirt was pulled on the pale torso subsequently, which prevented Ciel from reading the tattooed inscription stretching out on the shoulder blades.

That was another unknown guest to Ciel. He wasn't  _as_  strange as the others he just met, however this one was oddly handsome. And it wasn't just the silky hair, not the tall well-built figure, nor the strong arms – it was the sensual way he moved. When he lifted arm to run fingers through his hair, he appeared like the man of all men. He was that chap you imagine, when someone says 'porn'. (Maybe it was because of the porn music playing mildly from loudspeakers.) He was the type you find on the cover of sport's magazine shirtless. He was the guy making girls lose their minds. He practically shone, that is. And that was merely his figure from behind.

The incoming approached his permanent locker, just five ones distant from the individual. He calmly unlocked the metal door and pulled his sports wear out of it. He didn't bother looking aside, he didn't care  _that_  much what the stranger looks like. He came here to relax, to ease his body from all the burden. With a sigh, he grabbed his V-neck pullover behind neck and took it off, over his head. Minding his own business, he started unbuttoning the shirt and when he got to the last button, he felt unpleasant stare. It was just a sensation – but he couldn't help but to look. It was true, an electric discharge run through his body when seeing that intense look. That guy had no shame whatsoever, he didn't even bother to be inconspicuous.

Nevertheless, more importantly - his face. It was virtually diabolical. But not unsightly diabolical, but the to-be-worshipped diabolical. Abnormally handsome. The pungent eyes, seemingly looking directly through Ciel, had unbelievable reddish hue. Brown-orange and crimson mixed in those orbs and it was so astonishing, that it was spine-chilling. The gaze was different from every single one Ciel had ever seen; literally penetrating, not looking at his appearance, but straight into his soul. Lips united tight, narrow. Face shaved, pale, apparently has never seen a sunlight. Eyebrows naturally high arched and surprisingly neat for a man. Hair as coal, messy, a strand from the bangs parting from the rest. Neck pale and manly, Adam's apple visible slightly. A silver necklace hung round that neck, flashing some light back.

Looking back into those eyes was tough challenge for Ciel, he swallowed hard and avoided it as soon as it made him physically uncomfortable - he didn't sign up for a stare contest anyways. Fortunately, the stranger tucked his stuff in locker and after locking it, he slowly headed to the exit. As he expected, curious blue eyes followed his track and his gaze met second's in the mirror beside of the door once again. The raven haired flashed Ciel a mischievous smirk and then disappeared in the gym.

Taking it back; he is as creepy as them. Ciel thought for himself and continued changing. Button-up shirt was exchanged for a sleeveless t-shirt and slacks for shorts. The visitor stashed his belongings in the locker and placed his glasses on the top of folded clothes before closing. On the way he glanced at his face in the mirror opposite him and simply run fingers through his hair to throw falling strands on the side. He snorted as he recalled that man's insolent smirk again now.

Apparently nothing much has changed in the gym while he was changing, except the woman, who probably went swimming and the raven creep, who settled down by a punching bag.

The slow R&B music continued and the young man approached one of the treadmills positioned by glazed wall. He glanced at the view of sombre city, filled with plentiful shimmering snowflakes. Fortunately the environment in the gym was warmed and pleasant in such a cold days. Ciel turned around and stepped at the inactive treadmill, having a view nearly at the whole room. Clock showed about 40 minutes before closing so he didn't waste time and turned the machine on. With few slow starting steps he increased the pace and started running in a steady tempo. For the first several seconds he looked nowhere in particular and then his gaze shifted at the man with dumbbells. Nothing interesting. He was dull. Why is everything so monochrome? He was so tired of the routine they called life.

Apparently, another and the last person in the room, the man in black, took the boxing gloves and without looking around, he punched the bag. One strong punch in the center and then next ones followed. What Ciel was watching wasn't precisely in sharp vision since he took his glasses off but that man was passionate about the activity. He looked like he had reason to punch, and that was, in fact, quite gripping. Until now he carried himself into the gym as a calm person, but as soon as he pulled the gloves on, he let the Devil within him be seen.

The sound of treadmill rolling, the regular punches with the music in the spacious empty room mixed together and Ciel felt undeniably anxious about this atmosphere. However, he didn't mind that much, it was no worse than being here in the afternoon with community of cheerful youngsters with life about nothing whatsoever.

He felt the muscles on his legs stretching as he was running continuously, he felt the shallow breath quickening, heartbeat faster. It always ends up like this, Ciel felt like this activity exactly showed his mood and life situation. Running away from everything, with no will, nor strength. One of these days, he starts thinking about suicide again. He was tired of constant depressions. With a quick exhale, he switched the speed over to higher number, running faster, hoping to run into a better life.

He took another while watching the man in front of him, since he was the most eye-catching thing around. No wonder his arms were perfectly shaped, he didn't slack off here. The undershirt he was wearing clung seemingly tighter to his body, as it got slightly sweaty. The man also added legs into the exercise, practically performing the dance of the Devil.

It could already be couple of minutes without realizing, Ciel's body started to heat up as well. For some reason, he couldn't avert his sight. Then it happened again, the crimson eyes rose to view Ciel's curious eyes. And the black eyebrow arched in question. Though, it didn't change man's own actions anyhow and he kept hitting the bag without looking, Ciel lost his balance while running straight, and had to hold on the prop to prevent falling.

A confident smirk appeared on boxer's face when he, with amusement, watched the runner lose his control. When Ciel raised his head again, though, the visitor left the punching bag and reached for a bottle of water, placed by wall. Ciel watched him drink and he knew it.

Problem was, Ciel hasn't realized he was getting dangerously breathless. He turned the machine off immediately as he paused breathing for a second and then got off it. For some strange reason he felt weaker today, probably because of an unusual visiting time in the evening. He placed palms at his knees as he bent and breathed hardly. He felt dizzy.

Within seconds, he felt a hand on his burning shoulder, so he raised head to look and eyed now even taller figure of the man in black. He was holding the half-empty opened bottle of pure water. It was still icy, so he probably bought it here. The guy, however, didn't say a word while offering the drink. Nevertheless, Ciel needed water desperately, so he took it from his hand and got up on feet before watering his dry throat. After few large gulps, when he was about to thank or give it back, the man he was expecting to stand there, was gone. Ciel looked around himself but he realized he was left alone in the abandoned room, which made him swiftly glance at the wall clock, showing 10 PM. Closing time.

Tossing the empty bottle in the trash, he headed back in the changing rooms. On the way he realized he just drank from the same bottle as some creepy stranger and that he didn't consider that action at all. Moreover, that man just gave it to him without word, like it was completely normal. Maybe it was to him. It didn't really matter to Ciel, after all.

When he entered the changing rooms, he noticed one more dude he hasn't seen before. This one had short, brown wet hair, so he either just took shower or he was in the swimming pool, in the other section of the gym. Needless to mention the establishment was a wellness & fitness in one, for a pretty hefty price, however Ciel only paid the fitness part.

Then there was still the raven-haired from before, who was already leaving the shower, with a towel around his hips ( _a quick one, isn't he_?). Which reminded Ciel he himself didn't have much time so he hurried in the shower.

He took off the clothes, watered his hair and let the mild water pour over his relaxed body for couple of seconds. When the shower was switched off, Ciel cursed his life once again when he realized there was no towel.

"Towel, of course, are you even serious." He muttered for himself as he stood naked and looked around the empty showers. Reconciled with going there just like this, he almost had a heart attack when he saw  _him_   _again_ , standing in the door. He was extending an arm, offering a white towel. Like he knew perfectly that Ciel was forgetting it. He was quite an observer. Not that Ciel felt comfortable taking it naked, but not that he had other choice.

"Thanks?" He said and calmly tied it around his hips, never showing his discomfort. The already dressed gentleman just nodded and went back to his locker. Ciel followed him and noticed he wore only black clothing again. Black button-up shirt and also black slacks.

Ciel quickly dressed himself up before the owner decides to lock the place up and send grumpy cleaning women to cast them out while bitching about it. As soon as he put his glasses on and turned to the locker beside to return the towel, he realized he was gone again. Looking back at the exit, he still saw the man reaching the door, while dressing into a long black coat ( _unexpected_ ).

"Hey! You forgot your towel, will you take it back?"

He shouted, and he was sure he heard it, however that guy didn't bother turning around and just exited the room. Ciel sighed as he shoved the towel into his locker mindlessly. "Geez, why don't you answer at least." He muttered even though he wasn't there anymore.

"He doesn't talk."

 _Huh_. Ciel looked left to see that brown haired ( _he's still there_?) who dropped a comment about his remark.

"What do you mean? You know him?" Ciel asked after throwing the bag strap over his head. That guy apparently didn't enjoy long talks either, he headed to the door and right before he disappeared too, he yet turned around to answer.

"Nobody does."


	2. Low hanging fruit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my god. It's here. I couldn't wait to finally update my new, improved version of Unspoken. I don't know, maybe it gets a little complicated in the end so you should pay attention while reading. I recommend to listen to the song I mention in about two thirds of the chapter, it's a nice atmosphere to the part. I'm currently working on the third one, you know how it works, if you like it, let me know and I'll be happier and faster to continue. Thanks and enjoy!

“I told you to wash up this time.”

“I was working.”

“I’m not going to do everything!”

“I raise money. What’s your problem all the time?”

“Rude! Get away from my sight.”

Typical evening, always the same pointless deal. Ciel and Lizzie didn’t understand each other as they used to. There were periods of continuous rows they couldn’t avoid. Clock showed 8 PM, Ciel grabbed his phone, wallet and keys. Coat from the hanger, grey vintage boots from the shoe rack.

“Where are you going?!” She asked, ironically to what she just said, leaning on a door frame.

“To the gym.” He retorted, wrapping the scarf around his neck and swinging the door open. It was where their conversation ended. She could have comments about ‘gym never helping his weak body anyways’ but this time she spared him. It wasn’t like it was his goal to gain a perfect figure. He knew he’s short and rather slender but it was place he could easily relax at. Getting a membership three weeks ago seemed like the best thing to spend his miserable ‘fortune’ on. And now it has already been a week since he was there, anyways.

The graphic designer walked out of the house, being surrounded by the frost of winter’s night. His steps were fast and desperate. He strongly despised this primitive lifestyle, he didn’t know how he managed to screw this up so bad. The every-season depression of his showed up again.

The bus came to the stop soon enough after he had got there. It took two stations to his destination in the downtown.

“Enjoy your stay, Mr. Phantomhive.” The pony-tail blonde at the cashier desk said as Ciel checked in the gym. He headed to the dressing rooms, appearing all alone in the spaces. He opened the locker and noticed a towel on the top of his clothes, which did not belong to him. He turned around, remembering the stranger who had lent it to him. Ciel took the folded terry cloth in his hands, and in the next moment took the hem and let it hang down. It was neat and smooth looking. By some strange instinct, the male brought it up to his face and inhaled the fragrance. It smelled damp and sweaty, but peculiar, not unpleasant. It smelled like body and flesh, mystery and guilt. And a little of shower gel. Somehow, though, it was making Ciel feel comfortable.

The door opened behind him. Ciel immediately crumpled the towel and threw it back in his locker before he pretended to take his sportswear calmly out. Inconspicuously looking back, he noticed just another stranger heading to showers. _Well of course, who did I expect?_ He thought naively.

There was approximately the same amount of visitor as the last time. Apparently not many people visited fitness this late in the evening. This time, Ciel was clever enough to buy a bottle of water here. After that, he decided for twenty minutes on treadmill, but on the one with view on the city since there was literally nothing interesting in the gym. Chicago was still the same ugly perfection as ever. Ciel was thinking if he sees gray because his sight was already colored that way, or simply because life in this state became grey. Even the snow wasn’t looking white anymore. But perhaps they finally started putting the Christmas decoration away. It was about time.

Positive was, Ciel felt indeed rather relaxed after running, not less tired of his life, but less pissed off at least. He decided for some bench press today, he hasn’t tried it yet but he felt like proving himself he’s a man after all. He walked to the bench, not bothering to check the weight as he counted on something sensible, and lied down on the bench. He put his arms shoulder-width apart and grasped the bar with weight. His eyes widened and he panicked for a while when he lifted it and had to use all of his strength not to let it crush his chest. Okay, maybe he _should_ have checked the weight. It’s not like he wasn’t clever enough, he was just undeniably lazy. He lifted the bar up in the air until his arms were fully outstretched. He breathed out, it was tough. He brought it down to his chest, where he nearly, _nearly_ lost it. This weight certainly wasn’t set for humans. He closed his eyes tight because he felt like he’s just going to drop it and kill himself.

To his surprise, the gravity reversed and the bar was lifted upwards instead of falling down. Ciel breathed out in relief and opened his eyes, while the rod was taken from his hands to another’s. The first thing he saw were arms, strong arms, putting the bar where it belonged safely. His eyes rolled back to see the person behind his head. He was slightly taken aback, seeing a bare torso covered in drops. At first he would think he’s sweated but then he spotted the hair of the person was dripping wet as well. More importantly, though, he realized it was the owner of the towel he had in his locker. He rose himself swiftly, careful not to bump into the rod, and turned around at him as he swung one leg on the other side of the bench.

“You?!” he called, since he knew nothing about him, including the name, “are you a trainer or something?”

Because that would be understandable. He always shows up when Ciel needs help. Moreover he doesn’t make fun of him, if he was only a visitor, such young one, he would definitely make some comments about Ciel’s clumsiness. The tall guy didn’t answer, just like the last time. But he did lift his mouth corner in a grin. Sly grin, too suspicious. Ciel’s eyes slipped to look the figure over, noticing the male was wearing dark loose swimming trunks. (Somebody has money to pay the wellness part too, apparently). He was fit, he had nothing to cover. Pale hairless chest, slightly worked six pack, nothing overdone but he definitely doesn’t come here vainly.  His face was porn itself, he skipped that. His hair, ebony black, damped, his bangs thrown behind to the rest, not to fall into his face. But Ciel couldn’t see that all sharply enough since he didn’t wear his glasses.

“Whatever. I have your towel, mate.” Ciel said as he got up. He hoped they both forget the incident with weight lifting and he gets over it. The shorter male led to the dressing rooms and on the half of the way he looked back to be sure he’s followed. He unlocked his locker, pulling the towel out and doing a few folds, he handed it over. But the stranger just shook his head and pushed Ciel’s outstretched hands back, as he went to his locker in the same row. Perhaps he knew Ciel _still_ hasn’t brought his own as he could have peeked into his locker now. And perhaps he had some spare himself. _Perhaps_ it was a gift. The silence ruled over the room for a couple of moments.

Ciel took a drink from his bottle and then put it in the locker. He was going to pack it up here, so he undressed his t-shirt, throwing it inside as well. He was becoming more impatient with every second. He didn’t mean to, but in the end he spoke up. “They told me you’re like…never talking. Is that true?” He tried asking in the air, not looking at him, the locker’s door hindered him anyway.

In the next moment, he felt a hot breath, seemingly right upon his neck, which forced him to rapidly turn around in shock “Holy sh-” he was about to curse when a finger was placed on his lips. The raven, already dressed up, was standing right behind him and he moved his lips just like when saying ‘Shh’ but it was barely even audible. He put the finger down, showing that sly smirk once again, before heading to the exit.

“What _ARE_ you?!” Ciel clenched teeth, turning around and smashing the locker’s door closed. He took the towel only for his way to the showers. For a while there, he got the sense like he heard a mild laugh, so he turned around again but nobody was in the room anymore. He might consider going here in the evenings, it stopped feeling that comfortable. On the other hand, how much has Ciel been tired of the comfortable life? Sick to death.

After the shower, the designer dressed himself up, meeting a few people he didn’t recognize and silently left the gym. Odd to still call it a surprise, but when Ciel exited the building, there was somebody standing nearby, and the ‘somebody’ was no one else but the male all-in-black. Ciel naively felt stalked. He walked around him quietly, and when coming near enough, he stopped for a while. He glanced fractionally up. The male was currently smoking a black cigarette and when he looked down to meet his look, he raised an eyebrow and reached his pocket. He pulled out a packet of ‘Black Devil’ cigarettes and opened it up with his thumb in offer.

“Black Devil. That’s how they call you?” Ciel joked drily, glancing up and then down again. “Nah, thanks, I don’t smoke.” He added and stared dully in the street in front of them, sighing out the cold air.

“Are you deaf? Or does it bother you when people ask you questions?” He tried asking. The taller just shrugged shoulders before he took a draw on the cigarette. Ciel considered it as the second option. He stood there just for a while, until he saw a familiar frame approaching them, where he panicked a bit. “Shit, shit.” He cursed.

“What the hell, Ciel.” A feminine voice sounded as she walked out of the shadow and appeared in front of the pair of men. “I didn’t know you were serious.” Elizabeth was wearing a red coat and black high heels. Her blond hair was tied in a pony-tail. She looked a bit done.

“About what?” Ciel asked calmly, as if he wasn’t surprised by her visit at all. The second male seemed unconcerned but in fact he smirked there behind his collar, just a bit.

“About going here again. Come home.” She demanded, sounding more like ordering. But she was lightly springing on her knees in anticipation.

“Sorry but I-” Ciel didn’t feel like returning home yet. In fact, he’d do anything to avoid it. “I promised my colleague to go somewhere.” He pointed his thumb at the figure beside him. “I’ll come later, ‘kay?” He made up as he flickered at the second male several times.

“Colleague, huh?” She pouted and set her hands on hips. She looked the stranger over. He returned her look in apathy. “I’m expecting you till midnight.” She sighed, apparently calming down and without talking to the second one, she turned around again.

“Sure.” Ciel watched her for a while and then shrugged his shoulders, looking beside him. The fellow next to him grinned, with a few nods of his head. He was amused. The next move was his, he dropped the cigarette end on the ground and stubbed it out with his heavy black boot. Eventually he headed on the other side of the street, jerking his head towards the direction when Ciel watched him. Ciel’s head turned from one to the another a few times, as he was given a decision to make. The obscurity has always attracted him. He pulled his glasses up the bridge of his nose and rushed the wrong way after the stranger in a black coat, to the dark side.

_15 minutes later_

The two of them walked through the city with the lead of the taller. They haven’t spoken a word. Ciel was glad for that, after all, it felt good that someone didn’t talk for once. Eventually they reached an ordinary block of houses. The leader pressed the button of the doorbell and it automatically opened the door shortly in response. Ciel wanted to ask where they are going but he already knew it would be useless. _What an adventure_ , he thought.

When they reached fourth floor, one of the doors was opened and a short-haired brunette in tank top was standing in the door. Her arms were tattooed and she wore plenty of accessories including big cross necklace and garters.

“Why, hello Sebastian. What kept you back and who is the cutie?” She asked and winked with her thick eyelashes while she put her arm out. Sebastian didn’t answer, to nobody’s surprise, and he only pulled the packet of black cigarettes and placed it on her awaiting palm, passing her. “You collected him on the way here or something?” She called at him, desperately fumbling for a cigarette.

“Basically.” Ciel answered instead of him so she looked back at him.

“Oh gosh. You’re cute.” She said cheaply and then closed the door behind him. “Welcome and make yourself at home. Your name?” He noticed that she was being a little bit more communicative than this ‘Sebastian’ as they referred to him.

“Ciel.” He said matter-of-factly.

“Gia.” She shook his hand briefly and led him deeper in the cozy apartment. They reached a darkened living room, with shades closed. ‘Finally moving’ by Pretty lights was playing from the hi-fi player and the room smelled like candles and water pipe. Sebastian took place in an armchair, leaning back comfortably. Ciel and Gia were standing in the door, facing group of people. Two more girls and two men including Sebastian. Ciel noticed that most of them were barely 20, whilst Sebastian was surely in his mid-twenties at least. He must have enjoyed younger company.

“Say hi to Ciel.” The tattooed girl said before she took a seat in the center of the sofa. The others were sitting on pillows on the carpet. There was also a burning fire place next to Sebastian’s armchair. Couple of people nodded at Ciel’s arrival and some said hi or their name in exchange, Ciel though, didn’t know which word belonged to whom whatsoever.

He sat on the opposite side of the table from Sebastian. He looked around himself suspiciously as he asked. “So, what is happening here?”

“A drinking card game, obviously.” A soft voice sounded from the other room just when the last member of the group, a brown-haired guy with stubble came in the room and threw a packet of cards on the table, right next to several empty shot glasses. Subsequently he placed four bottles of hard alcohol on the table before he sat down.

“Since we have two newbies here today, let me introduce you to the rules.” A blonde chick lifted her body from the sofa and took the cards, unpacked and started setting them on the table in a big circle, around the glasses and bottles. “’King’s cup’ also known as the ‘Circle of death’. For reasons we changed the rules a bit. Players take turns selecting cards. Each card requires an action.” She started and looked Ciel in the eyes. “If a person picks number two, he picks a person who takes a shot. If a person picks three, he drinks himself. Number four, the person must kiss the person who is four places next to him – clockwise. Five – guys drink. Six – chicks drink. Seven, you are making out with the seventh person beside you, in our case that’s person on your right. Eight, a person choses another one who will share every of his shots. Nine, whoever choses it, we all are switching places, so number 4 and 7 wouldn’t be steady. Ten, here you can chose any of previous actions you want. Jack – this is quite an interesting one. Everybody stands up and the person who picked it will say sentences starting with ‘I have never…’  and says a thing they have never done. The ones, who agree with the statement themselves, sit down. The last one standing takes a shot. Q is for question, the player can ask anyone a question. The person is spared if he answers, but if he refuses, he’s taking a shot. You’re also spared of a task if you take K. And finally an Ace – the person who picks it undresses their top or pants, if you’re unlucky, you continue with underwear. That’s the rules, any questions?” She said basically on one breath. “Yes, Sebastian we have Daniel’s.” She said as soon as Sebastian tried to raise his hand. “Also we have vodka, tequila, and for pussies we have wine. One more thing, the one who backs off the game first, pays two thirds of the drinks, the next one pays the last third. Believe me, you will be done before you know it. Oh yes and, Sebastian is spared from all the talking tasks, because he is an asshole, he has to drink instead, but don’t worry, he has liver of steel. Now, let it begin.”

Ciel stared at the girl with his eyebrows raised, as he has never done such thing. He has never been this kind of a teenager. Not the social one, if you know what I mean. What’s more, he couldn’t believe the man in front of him would join this. He seemed too mature for this. They both might be.

“Wow. How old are you again?” Ciel asked, looking at everyone’s serious face.

“Sixteen to twenty seven, problem?” She said and crossed her arms.

“No.” He replied immediately, looking aside and shrugging shoulders, “No.” He repeated. He absolutely didn’t remember those rules but perhaps he will remember them as the game goes on. It was the most stupid thing he has ever witnessed, but in fact, it sounded damn fun. Not that he knew how on earth he even got here.

The game begun. Four people picked a card, one drank, second asked someone a question, one is spared with a K and the other picked six, so the girls drank. It was soon Ciel’s first turn. “Okay, here goes.” He muttered and reached for a random card in the circle. Everybody was especially curious about the new guest. His card was 5 – Guys. All the men took a shot. Later, a girl two places away from Ciel had a Q, so she asked him a question.

“What do you do, sweetheart?” She grinned. Meanwhile she asked, Sebastian, sitting next to her, grabbed his cigarettes once again and ignited one.

“I’m a graphic designer.” He said professionally and honestly so that he wouldn’t have to drink. He wouldn’t like to get drunk in bunch of unknown freaks.

The game went on, Sebastian picked a card. It was an 8. Sebastian smirked as he was about to choose a person who will _always_ drink with him. He slowly lifted his arm and pointed at nobody else but Ciel right opposite him. Ciel’s eyes widened but then everyone clapped and he could hear some saying ‘ohh’ so he rather frowned at that. Has anyone said anything about his ‘liver of steel?‘ Because Ciel rarely ever drank.

The rounds were going round and round, Ciel hasn’t even realized he’s kicking already 5th shot into himself. At first it felt like nothing but it was slowly rising up his veins. He even witnessed couple of girls kissing or making out once or twice, and it apparently didn’t turn him on as much as it did others. Second by second, it was getting more twisted. One of the guys picked J, so everybody had to stand up as he started with the statements.

“Let’s make this fun. I’ve never _kissed_ a man.” He said. Ciel and a lesbian girl sat down immediately since this statement was true to them.

“I’ve never slept with a man.” He pressed harder with a smirk. One of the men sat down as he agreed. Two girls and Sebastian were still standing. Ciel raised an eyebrow. _So he is gay after all, isn’t he?_ He thought.

“How about, I’ve never been to a prison?” The guy stated and only one girl of them sank down. Nobody except Ciel seemed surprised.

“In fact, I’ve never been to Europe.” He shrugged shoulders as he was out of ideas and the last one standing was Sebastian. “Well of course, he’s always the last, he has done everything.” He added quickly with a laugh and sat down. Ciel and Sebastian both had to drink. (Ever since Sebastian chose him as a drinking partner.) The glasses-wearing one wasn’t even protesting anymore, he just lazily reached for a shot of whiskey and drunk up, having the unpleasant feeling of his stomach rising so one of the girls handed him a bottle of pure water and stroked his back.

“There, there, you’re not backing off, are you?” She said at which Ciel only growled ‘never’.

 Then there were a few turns that Ciel didn’t drink and his pick was a 10, which fortunately meant nothing. He was slowly stopping to perceive the happening. The thing that woke him up was several people calling ‘Ciel’, so he looked around, asking, “Yeah?” Then he looked at Sebastian who was holding a card 4 towards him. ”What does that mean?” He asked because he didn’t remember.

“Four places from Sebastian, that’s you. You’re kissing.” Was the answer.

“What.” Ciel also noticed Sebastian wasn’t wearing a shirt by now. He must have had an Ace. He was sitting there on that armchair, his legs spread and the rest of a cigarette still in his second hand.

“Come ooon, before we get jealous!” A drunken girl said with a laugh. Ciel was staring for a few moments but then his body moved itself as he rose himself clumsily.

“Yeah, ok.” He muttered.

…

 


	3. Blackout

3: Blackout

“Yeah, ok.” Ciel muttered and stumbled as soon as he tried to walk. His task was to kiss the man in front of him, seemed easy. Before he got there, the male in black stubbed his cigarette out in the ash tray on the table and exhaled his smoke. Ciel walked to the armchair and leaned his hands on the backrest before he could fall. Thus he caged the older one, who only dropped a smirk once again. To get closer, Ciel placed his knee between Sebastian’s legs and the hand of the smoker was placed on the small of his back, which sent shivers up his spine. They both waited, looking each other in the eyes, until Ciel realized he must do the thing. Fortunately, he wasn’t in his right mind, he was so intoxicated that it automatically dragged him down. Maybe if Ciel was still sane enough, he wouldn’t find himself giving in and nodding not only to unfaithful act, but moreover homosexual.

 Thin, pale lips, the filthiest, yet never talking. Ciel slowly approached them and as soon as they joined, he felt tension in his lower stomach. This was all it should take, the task was completed. However, Sebastian pushed the male closer harshly, which was _seemingly_ even his intention. The younger had to sit down on his thigh and before he could expect anything, Sebastian pushed his tongue inside his hot, alcohol-flavored mouth. Ciel groaned at the surprise but in the next moment he joined and savored his tongue too, out of curiosity, maybe out of the lust driven by the influence.

“Sebastian, you asshole! It says ‘kiss’ not fuck each other on the armchair!” The jealous teen girl crossed her hands in annoyance. It was already obvious that _everybody_ , including the lesbian and the straight guy would love to be fucked by Sebastian on that armchair. They stopped liking the new visitor.

Ciel’s crotch rubbed against Sebastian’s thigh, his knee reached Sebastian’s; they started making-out as if they waited the whole day for this. Perhaps the whole life. When it lasted more seconds than enough, two men from the group forcibly took Ciel under arms and dragged him away from Sebastian. “Game goes on! Horny bastards.” One of them said as they dropped Ciel on his place again. Neither of them said anything about it, Sebastian looked composed from the while they separated and Ciel was probably too wasted to even care. Too wasted to perceive the burning in his stomach, under his rib cage and down his throat.

“Cards are slowly running out. We better knock someone out.” Gia announced after a while, as she picked another number 2. “Ciel, dear, you haven’t drunk for a long while now.” She smiled and poured Ciel the rest of the vodka bottle. She couldn’t care less that her shaky hands poured third of it on the table.

“Careful with the cards!” Someone shouted but again, nobody cared. Ciel took the small glass, with an expression of disgust. He felt absolutely sick.

“Attention, we have another J now!” The second girl announced. “Stand up if you still can.” She ordered and everybody slowly lifted their half-dying bodies. It was time for statements.

“I’ve never had a tattoo.” She said and everybody except Sebastian, Gia and one guy sat down.

“I’ve never had a surgery.” She brought up another fact, which made the guy with the stubble sit.

“Now I’m going to break it.” She said and chuckled. “I’ve never killed a man.” Was stated by a serious tone and Gia slowly lowered on her place. Everybody was sitting. Everybody, but Sebastian.

“I don’t feel good.” Resounded from the other side so everyone looked at Ciel now. He held hand on his forehead and his eyes were closing. Before anyone could say anything, he collapsed on the ground.

The first one to react was Sebastian. He rarely bothered to care or even do something, but this time he stood up and got to him first of all. His torso was already dressed in his black shirt, and the cigarettes disappeared from the table too. His moves were smooth, as if he didn’t consume a pinch of alcohol. Everybody watched him hunker down and lift Ciel’s upper body. He extended an arm and the bottle of water was given to him. He opened it up and poured the rest on Ciel’s face, which effectively made him recover. From all the people, Ciel doubted Sebastian would be the one leaning above him and help him recover. But when he thought about it twice, Sebastian was exactly and always _the one_ after all.

“Poor boy, he wasn’t ready for this.” Someone dropped a comment but Sebastian didn’t wait for anything, he took a pillow, which he put under Ciel’s head. The bottle was placed in Ciel’s hand before he stood up. Gia got to Ciel and helped him take a drink from it, while Sebastian pulled couple of bucks from his pocket and threw them in the center of the table. It was enough to pay the drinks for the first and the second loser of the game. Ciel and him.

“Can you believe it? Sebastian is not winning today?” Another note sounded but for Sebastian the game was over. To say the truth, he couldn’t be bothered less by a defeat in such a simple and degrading game. He dressed his coat and meanwhile he threw Ciel’s coat at him, so Gia would make sure he dresses it.

 You could say Sebastian was always walking and throwing things behind himself, expecting people to pick them up and repair. He then grabbed Ciel’s arms and stood him up on his feet.

“What are you doing, don’t touch me, Devil.” Ciel babbled some kind of a nonsense as he was dragged out of the flat.

“Come to play again sometime!” Someone shouted.

“And bring Ciel too!”

“Thanks for the game!” Was the last sound they heard before Sebastian shut the door.

* * *

 

“Where are you leading me??” Ciel asked, his hand hooked on Sebastian’s elbow, which he himself had no clue about. “You’re so fucking arrogant!” He shouted and started laughing. He was so not used to drinking, the poor guy needed help. Sebastian ignored every single of his words and led him through the dark streets with unconcerned face. “Oh God, are you going to tell Lizzy you stuck your tongue in my mouth?? Bastard, don’t you dare!”

This went on the whole way. Fortunately not many people were outside, especially not since they were terrified because of recent murders in Chicago. However Sebastian wasn’t afraid, not even ashamed to walk with an absolute drunk. In its essence, they were both complete drunks, just Ciel was the one showing it. The adults got to another block of houses in unknown time. No one of them really knew what time it is or how long it took them.

“Sebastian? Hey Sebastian, I don’t feel like visiting next party, I’m so sorry.” Ciel said sarcastically and laughed. “Fucking hell, I’m sick.” He said and then covered his mouth with his palm as he felt like throwing up. Sebastian led him up the staircase of the house until they reached a flat. This time, Sebastian had keys. They entered a dark room and right after they walked in, Sebastian roughly dragged his younger companion to the bathroom, where he pushed him on the floor, right in front of the toilet. “What the fuck.” Ciel protested at first but the man behind him descended on knees and pushed Ciel’s head lower until he felt another wave of nausea and eventually threw up. Sebastian caressed his hand down his back while Ciel was letting all the alcohol out. It had, of course, nothing in common with a kind gesture.

The moment Ciel wasn’t paying attention to anything but the porcelain lavatory, Sebastian slid his hand lower and pulled a phone and a wallet out of his back pockets.

“Did you just touch my ass.” Ciel bothered to mention before he flushed another amount of the whiskey mix. Sebastian didn’t react anyhow and simply left the room. In the hall, he firstly searched through the wallet and quickly wrote down the address and contacts in his own phone. Ciel’s phone was locked, so there was nothing easier than go to him and ask for the password. Sebastian returned and as he hunkered down, he showed Ciel the locked screen. He said nothing but Ciel typed the password in. God knows what he thought but either he wanted Sebastian to call help or he trusted him, which would obviously be a mistake.

After Sebastian’s little spy job and getting Ciel’s number as well, he returned it back into his pockets. Ciel seemed he got rid of everything he has drunk, so the soberer one escaped to the kitchen for a brief moment to bring another glass of water. By the time he came back, Ciel was lying on the floor, as he dropped off.

The party was over for Ciel, it was time to return home. Sebastian hunkered down to him and almost effortlessly lifted him up. Ciel’s body was stiff and heavy since he passed out but the male carried him all the way from his flat to a car, parked close to the house. The young designer was dropped on backseats almost savagely, but not as much for him to wake up. With absolutely no concern that he was under influence, Sebastian got behind the wheel and started his car up. According the address, he drove to Ciel’s house, which was barely 15 minutes away in respect of no traffic.

Ciel’s keys came in use as well, the house was dark and silent when Sebastian walked in. He found the closest sofa, which was in the living room, where he laid Ciel’s body. You can’t simply explain his manners much, he is enough solicitous to bring him home but in its essence, he only caused him problems by getting him drunk. Not mentioning he treats him like an old useless bag. At very last, Sebastian bothered to take Ciel’s glasses off and put the on the low table beside. That was it, in the next moment, the stranger left the house, quiet as a mouse.

* * *

 

Basically said, Ciel felt like shit when he came back to senses. His body was stiff all over and his neck had to hang in a very uncomfortable position. Lifting his tired body from the sofa, he cracked his neck and walked to the kitchen. It was a horrific realization, seeing the clock show 3:45 PM. _Oh fuck me_ , he thought, glancing down on the kitchen table. There was a plate containing some eggs with toast and several kinds of fruit added. A glass of water stood next to it and held a corner of a note.

“This should help you with the hangover. Drink water and forget about coffee. Fuck you. With love, Lizzy.” The meaning of the note was obvious to Ciel. She cared, she was sorry for him getting wasted to unconsciousness and she was glad he made it home. But she was furious, disappointed and Ciel was deadly afraid of talking to her because he knew he probably fucked up.

The only problem was, he didn’t remember a damn thing. No, no single thing about getting home. He sat on the chair in front of the food that’s gone cold and stale by now. The room was chilly and silent, successfully leading Ciel to relapse into a clinical depression.

Drinking the glass of water, Ciel was trying hard to get into memories, since he had no way to explain himself like this. He started recalling the gym, Sebastian smoking outside and Lizzy meeting them both. He remembered following Sebastian on the other side of the city, where he immediately realized what was done wrong. He also dug out the memory of playing the drinking game. There was the main obvious mistake. He couldn’t believe he really agreed to that. From here on, his memories faded. He only remembered a few faces, the drinks on the table inside the circle and a lot of bittersweet liquid flowing down his throat. But at very last, the pair of curious reddish eyes, following every of his moves. Remembering Sebastian’s inscrutable face made a shiver run down his spine.

Ciel got up then, putting the plate in microwave as he barely knew what he is even doing. The toast was inedible and the eggs didn’t look consumable either, so he eventually decided to trash it. Reaching in a drawer, the male took out a packing of antidepressant drugs. It was already a routine thing and today he’s late with them. Swallowing the pill, Ciel hid the medicine again. There were days he just felt like swallowing them all, but then again, remembering the series of vomiting, it seemed like a horrible idea, especially after this night. He knew he had to eat something too, and although he felt sick and with no taste at all, his stomach was rumbling. He assumed the fruit will do.

After eating some and to his own surprise, feeling a little better, Ciel meant to take a shower when he heard his phone buzzing. He rolled his eyes when taking the mobile phone. Literally _nothing_ that is coming on that phone could be positive for him. Either it’s his boss, raging. Or Elizabeth, raging. Or his colleagues, raging. Everybody was furious with him lately, he wondered why?

But his fears weren’t fulfilled, or perhaps, he hasn’t thought of even worse possibility. The text was from an unknown number. At first, Ciel didn’t understand it at all. But looking at it closely...

_“01-13-2015, 9 PM. 3441 Silver Heath, Drumheller, IL. Black Devil.”_

It didn’t take long for him to realize it said: Date, time, address and signature. If anything, the most frightening was the actual signature. Ciel could quite remember this naming he devised himself. He could recall titling the tall male ‘Black Devil’ because of the brand of his cigarettes. And now here he goes again, and this time it couldn’t be considered as a coincidence. The male, Sebastian, that is, was trying to get closer to Ciel and it in fact, annoyed him. How dare he? It was obviously a rude way, the man had no decency whatsoever.

“Seriously? Stop stalking me.”

But nobody said Ciel _had_ any decency. He typed his reply quickly, expecting some explanation. Sebastian owed him tons of them after all. If he was deaf or just a prick, he obviously wanted to chat via phones. The answer, however, didn’t come. After enough waiting, Ciel put the phone down and got up.

He only managed to take a shower and dress up, before it was getting dark again. The worst was yet about to come. He missed out on work, he still felt weak and miserable and soon he’ll have to face Elizabeth. He ended up on sofa in the living room, with his A3 sketchbook and couple of pencils on his lap. His legs were bent and feet leaned on the low table.

“Well, hello, Ciel.”

Here goes. The door closed behind Ciel but he didn’t turn around. The young woman walked to him after she undressed the outside clothes and she placed her palms on male’s shoulders.  She watched him draw for a few moments, before she walked around the sofa and sat next to him.

“Hi.” Ciel said modestly, straightening his glasses and then glancing at her at last.

“What are you drawing?” She started softly, somewhat carefully. They both could be pretty choleric after all.

Ciel parted his lips to answer but before that, he looked at the paper. That’s a good question. What is he drawing? Or better, what is the black haired Devil doing on his drawing-paper? He swallowed as soon as he realized. It was the pale face with flashy eyes, and coal black contrasting hair. Hand with a black cigarette brought to his slender lips.

“Just a sketch for the upcoming project.” He made up quickly, since it’s not a big surprise that he sketches various things, especially portraits. It’s his job after all, every new project needs a sketch before going graphic.

“Just so I know, you weren’t doing anything stupid yesterday, right?” She got to the topic at last. Ciel lowered his eyelids, facing the paper. He wished he knew. He wished he could say he didn’t.

“Don’t worry.” He looked up at her and smiled slightly. “I shouldn’t have gone there, it was immature.” He admitted because this time it really was. Ciel was acting mature enough, until something obscure and attractive tempts him to do otherwise. Which barely ever happened until now. Ciel _was_ , indeed, very attracted to obscurity.

* * *

 

_“01-13-2015 at 9 PM. 3441 Silver Heath, Drumheller, IL. Black Devil.”_

It was around midnight. Ciel was sitting at his desk, staring into his cellphone. He wasn’t tired yet, since he slept through the whole day. It seemed to be ok with Elizabeth, at least formally ok. She was sleeping by now, and although Ciel tried to sleep he couldn’t, especially not after receiving the text message. The answer still hasn’t come, and Ciel started thinking he was wrong: maybe the guy didn’t want to communicate verbally at all. He regretted he didn’t consider the reply a bit better.

Glancing at the date again, Ciel knew it’s tomorrow. He also knew he had no plans and he could go there after work. But was he really stupid enough to do the same mistake again? It would come in vain to go there for information, if he lets himself get drunk again. But considering it, the inviter was a stalker, moreover a creepy one. Then the answer should be clear.

_Screw you._

Ciel thought as he locked his phone and went back to bed. He decided to forget about last night and rather stay down to earth. This was not necessary for him.

 


	4. Welcome to the lounge

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m happy to finally upload my probably most favorite chapter guys! I’ve been looking forward to writing this since ever. This chapter is Unspoken. And no other can describe the story better. I hope you’re still here to read and thanks for the support! :3 I’ll try to be uploading once in two weeks if possible. If I manage, it can be more frequent of course I’m just saying I’ll try not to make it longer but I can’t promise it.  
> Btw: The address and the bar are of course devised or generated, don’t take that seriously.

Ciel's plan was to clear his mind properly and forget about that certain night. There were important priorities in every adult’s life and Ciel was aware of that. That’s why he decided to concentrate on his work and his partner, Elizabeth.  It went almost smoothly, Ciel went to work the next morning, proceeding through the day just like every other. With such luck, nobody will even remember that Ciel ever got drunk. This even lasted for something about…19 hours.

 _Now why the hell am I standing in front of the 3441 Silver Heath at 9 PM straight?_ Ciel thought as he looked up at the purple sign “Lounge bar.”

He didn’t think this was necessary for him, he even stepped back from the door but something intensively attracted him to the place. He turned his head right and then left, seeing people pass by just in light of the street lamps. Eventually he stepped closer to the door and looked the call buttons over. There weren’t many of them, not even names of the flats. He didn’t even know _where_ he’s invited after all. So he just pressed the most noticeable one, the bell of the bar. The door buzzed shortly in response, so he made his way inside.

According to the signboard, he continued to the end of the corridor and then went down the stairs, until he appeared in the underground floor, in front of wide glazed door. From here, he could already hear calm, muted music. However, from what he saw, the room behind the door was empty. There was couple of sofas, tables and a bar. Looking through the glass closely, Ciel started thinking he’s not on the right place.

“Ciel Phantomhive?” A low but feminine voice resounded beside Ciel with a click of the door opening. The designer swiftly distanced from the glass and eyed the source of the voice. A young lady, about his height including the high heels, was standing by the door, holding them open. She wore quite challenging outfit; a black corset forming her slim waist and full eye-catching neckline, with leather jacket over it. Her legs were covered in tights and booty shorts. Ciel barely remembered ever meeting someone as attractive and with such ability to use the sex-appeal. He didn’t let himself be distracted, though.

“Yes, that’s me.” He nodded and furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. She smiled at him and extended her arm towards the bar space.

“Please, come inside,” she navigated him and when Ciel complied, she closed the door behind him, leading forward in the establishment, “I welcome you to the Unspoken cocktail & lounge bar. My name is Meyrin and I’m your hostess for tonight.”

She introduced herself and the place while they walked in another room, which looked twice fancier than the one before. It was a spacious shaded room tuned in black and white color, all purple backlit. The white bar counter had purple lights from under it, the ceiling casted purple lights along the white walls. On the right, there was a section with black leather sofas and armchairs on an elevated platform stage. In the center of the sofas, there was a fake branched tree, with purple lights instead of the leaves.  On every of the tables, there was a candle in the midst.

On the left side of the room, it looked similar, but without the platform and with some chairs instead of the sofas. In between, right ahead of Ciel, there was a large selection of drinks behind the bar counter. The bottles were compactly placed one next to another on the built-in shelves. It was all magnificent, and surely expensive. It gave Ciel very luxury and exciting impression, considering he has never been to such place.

“That’s all very nice but what am I doing here?” Ciel asked while examining the deluxe spaces in awe. It wasn’t luxurious in the old-fashioned sense – right contrary, the equipment and design was modernized and stylish. “And what’s with that elevator music,” he noted sarcastically, furrowing eyebrows at the slow-fast-drawn-out music. Its sound was making him feel like dancing with the steady soft beats but also sit in the elevator and fall asleep because of the long tunes in its background.

“Oh it’s Sebastian’s favorite actually, Ibiza Lounge. You’re in a lounge bar, what do you expect?” She replied with a chuckle. Ciel’s eyes widened unnoticeably at hearing Sebastian’s name again. “And yes, I’m sorry, the reason is simple. You accepted the invitation.” She smiled. _So she knows about it_. Ciel thought. He hoped that this time he will finally find out more about him, for example, why on earth he is stalked by him.

“May I hang your coat?” She asked when she saw Ciel unbuttoning it. The room was of course heated so his body was burning after coming from the frost outside. Meyrin’s arms were offering so he handed it over to her and thanked briefly. She went to put it on the hangers nearby and then followed Ciel in the main room again.

“And there he is!” She said right then, jerking her head towards a back door near the bar. Ciel looked in the direction and held his breath for a while. The male carried himself with a good dose of self-confidence and his plain black Oxfords clicked finely against the shiny tiled floor. A tight-fitting black shirt, tucked in black pants, was covering his torso and the first button was unfastened so the silver chain necklace reflected the random light falling upon it. His hair was somewhat messy and he apparently couldn’t help himself but to lift one of his mouth corners into a smirk. He couldn’t help it when looking at the bewildered young man of artistic talent, standing there as if he just appeared there and it wasn’t his fault. How sweetly naïve it was to Sebastian.

However, beside Sebastian on every side, two women walked. Two blondes on the left, two dark-haired on the right. Ciel had no doubts that the attractive man scored with young women. He wouldn’t remember his theory about Sebastian being gay, since he was too drunk by the time he had found out (or at least considered it as a fact.)

“Hey, you! What happened back that night and why did you drag me to another place full of alcohol?! Do you have drinking problems? I think you have far more issues than that anyways.” Ciel attacked the older male verbally as soon as he had the chance. Sebastian didn’t even stop at that, he just raised an eyebrow and his smirk increased. The five of them took place on the wide leather sofa, with the man in its center. He extended his arm to indicate Ciel to sit down on the sofa opposite him.

The designer sighed, slowly walking to the shown place. When he tumbled down on it, he crossed his arms, raising eyebrows as well. Sebastian only returned the gesture by a concentrated intensive look with tilt of his head.

“May I get you something to drink? I need to mention that it goes to the bill of the owner so don’t be modest.” Meyrin asked the glasses-wearing male then.

“No, actually, thanks but-“ Ciel started refusing, while he glanced at the second host, who was sitting on the sofa and giving him a curious look. “I’d like to deal with this sober.” He said determinedly in the end.

“My, my, but deal with what exactly? You don’t seem to get the point of this place – you are here to relax. I can offer you broad selection of cocktails with lower content of alcohol.” She dealt, showing Ciel the menu in front of his eyes. _Damn those people are persuasive_. Ciel made a note to himself in his mind, he better be careful about it.

“Fine, you can bring me anything good, if the owner insists.” Ciel submitted in the end and occasionally glanced at the second member of the party. The waitress nodded with a smiled at the guest, and subsequently raised eyebrows in a quick motion, adding a sly grin at the man in black, which made her look more suspicious than she was. Sebastian didn’t return the expression anyhow.

Ciel then eyed the group in front of him. It gave him an impression of a pimp with his whorehouse. _Unbelievable, is this the way he’s trying to impress? Even the shot game was more successful_. He thought.

“Just to be clear,” Ciel stated and cleared his throat, “you won’t be talking to me but you want my company, huh?”

Sebastian’s grin widened and he tilted his head to the other side, nodding it with more or less certainty and a light shrug of his shoulders. It felt strange to Ciel, why would anybody have need to stay silent with no exceptions? But then again, maybe he _can’t_ talk. Maybe he forfeited his tongue, that’s a theory Ciel considered as quite probable. This man didn’t look like he’s playing everything safe, it wouldn’t surprise him if he got his tongue sliced off for alost bet. But Ciel apparently didn’t remember it was barely 24 hours since he had that tongue in his mouth.

“Why is nobody actually here?” He asked then, looking around the place. It was a question that occurred to him some time ago. The bar was, indeed, completely empty except them.

“The place is closed and whole reserved for a special guest.” Meyrin took control over the situation when she clapped on her high heels back on the black platform with sofas. Ciel gave her a curious-questioning look and she made herself clear: “For you, of course.” She meant to say it seriously but an amused chuckle slipped her in the end of the sentence. This seemed like a thing she has in common with Sebastian, and it was one of many. They both often lose it and can’t keep straight faces. Only that Sebastian just pretended, he could, in fact, easily keep himself calm and serious. The thing was, he enjoyed reactions people give him when he smirks a lot. It makes them uncomfortable – very specifically speaking of Ciel.

Ciel was feeling awkwardly special. He absolutely didn’t understand this welcoming committee. So, what has he won? A competition of the most depressed man, he would think. This strange Sebastian seemed very interested in him, which was surprising since Ciel wasliterally doing nothing. At least that’s what he thought about himself.

“The Manhattan. ” The waitress said then, lowering the platter with drinks to Ciel. “An original bourbon classic, often called 'The King of Cocktails'.”

“Oh, thanks.” Ciel thanked politely as he took the cocktail glass. It contained mixture of whiskey and vermouth, forming an orange coloring. There was a cherry and an orange peel as a garnish. It seemed that the effort is not tacky but in view of the short duration, Ciel might think they prepared everything in advance. Gradually he started feeling like he’s going to be kidnapped and blackmailed badly.

The waitress then moved to the other male, pouring him his usual Jack Daniel’s in the whiskey tumbler glass with ice. How typical, the only thing missing was that cigarette in his hand. But his hand seemed to be busy with something else as it slapped Meyrin’s ass lightly to keep going. Ciel rolled his eyes at that performance. He looked at his drink skeptically instead. It looked wonderful, in fact, but who knows what it contained. Ciel brought it up to his lips and smelled it first. It had such fresh and bitter aroma with hint of sweetness of the cherry. Ciel raised his eyes once again, seeing the black-haired male lick the corner of his mouth – hard to say if it was random or intentional. But speaking of _lick_ , Ciel could safely exclude his theory about missing tongue. He was rather relieved, that thought was creeping him out.

Eventually he took a sip of the appetizing drink. He acted like he wasn’t paying attention to it, but he knew well Sebastian was watching every of his moves. When the cold lips touched the edge of the glass, when he perceived the bittersweet taste as the liquid poured on his tongue, when his Adam’s apple moved up as he swallowed. It was all observed by Sebastian’s attentive eyes.

“Isn’t this going to be boring?” Ciel stated then. “I’m not going to lead a monologue here. Moreover I have more important things to do.” He lied, he didn’t. Sebastian knew that and Ciel could see him laugh soundlessly under his palm.

“Sebastian is a very good host. Yet not all the people have the courage or comprehension to be his guest. If you feel bored, leave, nothing is stopping you.” Meyrin explained. Ciel took the last sip before he put his drink on the low table in front of him and stood up.

“What kind of bullshit is that?” He said emphatically but not angrily as he could. His voice still remained steady and low. He straightened his glasses and looked at the quintet of people on the sofa. “Who is he? The president? Are you telling me I should be honored by his invitation? He’s a ff-”

As he was about to swear, Sebastian meanwhile, snapped his fingers and two of his girls, one blond and one brunette, got up and walked towards Ciel until he backed off again.

“Sebastian thinks you’re talking too much.” One of them said with a smile. Ciel’s lips were still parted as the word ‘fucking’ remained on his tongue, but there he was pushed back on the couch behind him.

“Drink. Relax. Listen to the music.” The second one said as she bent down in front of him, and this time Ciel couldn’t avoid seeing the low neckline in front of him. He gasped as he was shoved against the backrest. The music was a bit faster by now, the beats more audible, but it was still rather drawn-out.

“What the-” He stuttered but froze when a hand in netted glove slid over his thigh. The pretty blonde, not as pretty as Elizabeth, though,  reached for the drink and handed it back to Ciel. He took it in confusion. He got the feeling like he should just chug it and stop thinking, but on the other side he thought this is exactly the while where he should _start_ thinking.

He glanced at Sebastian like it would ever help him, and to his surprise, he saw the whores touching him very…inappropriately. He swiftly looked down and his heart speeded up the beats for some reason. _What exactly is happening here?_ He thought. It was to leave or to drink down and play this game. His body tensed when he felt hand reaching his crotch. Without more thinking, he took a couple of sips of the drink before putting it on the low table.

“I don’t want to disappoint you but I’ve got a partner-”

“Who is never going to find out.” The brunette whispered to his ear and then kissed his neck at which Ciel gasped. His only view was at Sebastian now. This aimed some really strange direction. The older male was still holding his glass and his expression was steady while being touched and kissed by them (but never on lips.) His look was directed towards Ciel. He already understood that Sebastian’s communication was an eye play mostly. The visitor, however, was gradually but distinctively starting to feel dizzy. He didn’t understand because he was pretty sure he can’t get drunk because of one drink.

“Please stop this,” Ciel muttered, tilting his head and he had to close his eyes as this simple movement made the whole surrounding spin. “What is going on here-”

“Shh, you will soon stop worrying. Do close your eyes, lean your head back.” They instructed him and the whispers from both sides were becoming blurry and mixed with the music to Ciel. But he didn’t listen to them, he opened his eyes to look in front of him. He saw the second brunette get down and kneel in front of Sebastian. He was shocked and taken with it. He started regretting he was so weak to refuse again. Now it felt like he can’t anymore.

“What did you put into my drink?” He asked as he realized what caused him this state. He inhaled sharply when he felt fingers fumble for the fly on his pants. He didn’t look down, though. His eyes were locked with the familiar stranger.

“Just something to help you relax. But you will remember this vividly, don’t worry.” The blonde assured him and shifted the hem of his shirt to kiss his neck lower. Ciel remained quiet at that sensation but he felt the shiver run over his whole tensed body. He knew he’s fucked. Hopefully not literally soon, because he was already being raped slowly. Not even that much by the touches, kisses and licks. He was raped by the fucking intense, piercing look of the reddish eyes. “Nn-h” he groaned quietly when the hand slipped under his pants. He bit the bullet and lowered his eyelids, but he made sure to watch the smirk of the slim pale lips getting wider. Ciel’s pants were way too tight by now.

 The act opposite them was a while ahead. By now the slut was already in Sebastian’s pants and the male was receiving a blowjob, which Ciel wouldn’t find out if he didn’t look lower. Because the face of the host didn’t change a bit. Meyrin didn’t seem like this all is her concern whatsoever. She just went to Sebastian to silently pour more of Jack Daniel’s in his glass but she didn’t disturb more. In the end she left somewhere to the bar before Ciel could ask her for anything, perhaps help.

Sebastian’s hand was placed on the head of the woman below him, and without losing an eye-contact with the young man, he licked his lower lip. Ciel’s glasses were getting slightly foggy but he didn’t mind it now. He couldn’t deny much that it was arousing. But then again – he remembered Elizabeth and-

“Aahn-shit-“ Ciel covered his mouth when a warm mouth surrounded his hardened shaft. The girl was already on her knees, without him noticing. He forgot what he was thinking about before. The male with an insolent smirk took a drink of his bitter beverage, which he already consumed like water. Ciel wondered if he was still sober, or he didn’t know what sober means.

“Who _is_ he?” Ciel hissed at the other girl by his side. He was too curious, he was in daze, and not ashamed to ask anything anymore.

“Someone who obviously made your dick hard.” She replied smoothly to his ear with a surprising question which made Ciel redden.

“What are you talking about?” He whispered back in an upset tone at those filthy words.

“Don’t lie to yourself. You were soft and uninterested before you looked at him.” She said and Ciel’s eyes widened. That would never occur to him before and he wasn’t willing to believe that. He clenched his fist in anger, before he saw Sebastian’s head lean back slightly and his lips parting with a sigh escaping. Ciel felt his cock twitch while a tongue was driven across it and then swallowed deeply again and he moaned at that.

It went on a few minutes. Deep looks exchanging, licks on thelips, smirks, sighs. Ciel has never lived anything like this before. It was like having sex with Sebastian but without even touching each other. But Ciel never even wanted this at the first place, yet he was abused, without using words, neither touches. Impossible? Sebastian was making it possible.

All the physical contact was connected to Ciel’s vision. Sebastian was what he perceived while being sucked off and all the waves of pleasure rushing through his body were encouraged by the view. Some psychologists believe that you can cure a homosexual by this method, but obviously it never worked. Not even if it was to be changed reversely. But how many people are actually sure about their orientation?

Sebastian finished his drink, Meyrin took it away. Ciel was breathing heavily, Sebastian to everything seemingly immune. To everything but Ciel, those reactions he secretly couldn’t resist. It was like porn to him, Ciel acted like a virgin and tried so hard to cover the excitement.

Then Sebastian finished, and both of the girls got up and simply left. He got up from the sofa and followed them in the direction behind Ciel. It seemed like he’s going to be left alone with the two girls but soon enough, Ciel felt a hot breath upon his neck. He tensed again, his heart skipping a beat in surprise. He was close by now, the woman between his legs did her job indeed properly and deep throated the male. Ciel got used to them touching him but what he felt now was different. Cold lips were placed at his neck and in the next moment they parted and the skin was attacked by teeth. The person placed hands on his waist and bit his neck without warning.

That was pretty much everything it took. Ciel moaned out loud and in the moment he came. He leaned his head back on the backrest and breathed out, while the person pulled away. The only thing he saw was that sly filthy smirk of Sebastian’s, who sent him a quick imaginary kiss just using his mouth, in the most mocking way.

That repelled Ciel, he felt unfairly defeated. Without a word, his lady companions left him as well and he was now alone in the spaces, just with Meyrin at the bar who didn’t mind the happening. It was the _strangest_ thing he’s ever experienced.

… “Meyrin?” He called after a while of recovering.

“Yes?” She called back as if nothing happened. She wiped the last piece of washed glass before walking to the guest.

“Where did he go?” Was the first question he had.

“Probably to have a smoke. He will be here shortly.” She explained but now she sounded less professional, as if she threw away that mask.

“You call that a good host?” Ciel said in exhausted voice but he felt somewhat more alive again, as if the whatever-made-him-feel-like-this expired.

“Sebastian is a pain in the ass. Do you want to talk about this?” She said in completely different, much more natural voice, while she shifted the small glazed table under her and sat on it.

Ciel was taken aback, blinking once, twice. It seemed like finally someone was willing to explain this charade. “Yes.” He agreed and leaned back in the sofa with a sigh.


	5. Miss me?

“You were invited to a game.” Meyrin stated and looked Ciel straight in the eyes, hid behind the Ray-Ban glasses. Ciel breathed out and his expression was surprised, curious, but also oh so tired with this bullshit.

“What do you mean? Is this some freaky show? I didn’t sign up anywhere.” He said half-sarcastically as he tends to do. Meyrin just smiled and shook her head.

“Honey, I’m talking figuratively here. This is Sebastian’s mind game and nobody’s ever won that. Ciel,” she obscenely parted her legs and leaned her elbows on her knees, “he knows you’re not stupid. We all know that it is your pretense – we all have it. And that’s why you fit here so well.”

Ciel was looking absently right through her. What she says might be true, he was aware of that he rarely shows his real intellect, since he finds it easier to just play stupid, like everybody else. But what scared him was how well they could see him, nobody has dared before. Or perhaps, nobody really cared to look at him better.

Ciel parted his lips but it took him a while to form a question. Then he pronounced one with a gentle curiosity. “Does he have one?” 

“Why would I spoil all the fun of getting to know him for you?” Ciel watched her raise eyebrows and smile saucily, as he realized she’s far less shallow than he thought.

“You all are pretty sick. I ain’t agreeing to this.” He said determinedly and swung his body up from the sofa to get up. He decided to ignore today’s events, just as every day of his life, after all.

“I’m afraid it’s too late.” She said with an eased sigh, standing up as well.

“Oh yeah?” Ciel turned around arrogantly, showing her his best you-can’t-tell-me-what-to-do-bitch face. Meyrin grinned.

“You’ve already did.” She interpreted Sebastian’s early victory with her reply and collecting the last empty glass, she walked back to the bar.

Ciel was standing still for a few more moments, thinking about what she said. He was aware of following Sebastian the other day but he wasn’t willing to let himself be manipulated. He believed he has right to cut a contact with a person whenever he fucking pleases, thank you.

Ciel helped himself to find the hanger with his coat, and after dressing himself up, he turned around to Meyrin to say his goodbye.

“Tell your boss, or whatever he is, that I appreciate his invitation but he can collect his whiskey with lewd attitude and leave me out of this before I report his mysterious ass to the police!” He shouted at her and with the swift angry effect he turned around to find out the tall man smelling like cigarettes is standing right behind him.

His expression was grossly amused. He was alone now, the whorehouse apparently closed. Ciel’s face blushed as he just slightly embarrassed himself. The male was almost a head taller than himself and though Ciel wouldn’t underestimate himself, he felt so low right now.

They both stayed silent for a while until Sebastian’s smirk disappeared and he put out his hand. Ciel looked at it blankly and after another moment he figured out he should shake it.

“Well that’s awkward. I hope this is our last goodbye.” Ciel noted as he snapped his hand back again (the grip of the taller male felt uncomfortable to him) and passed Sebastian to proceed to the exit.

Ciel’s pale face was attacked by the frozen wind as soon as he burst out of the building and walked on. He was angry without doubt, he found Sebastian awfully arrogant. Honestly, not many people could cause him such mood fluctuation.

* * *

 

…

Skin pink, light tan, in the lamp light. The figure was slim, bare and smooth. Only a silver necklace decorated the skin on her collarbones. Ciel’s view was not far from any man’s dream. Cream sheets, pillows brown, and possibly the purest shade of light blond, spreading upon them. The male’s body dropped down, arms supporting the weight.

Phantomhive had everything but a clear mind. The laid-back personality was the image he held, his IQ quite remote from his words. He was disorganized and unsure, constantly living in a shade of his mind. He and Elizabeth didn’t match. Separately they were auspicious, but together they were pitiful. And with every day, their chances sank lower and lower.

Lizzy wasn’t naïve as one might think, though. She could see if a thing simply doesn’t work. Especially when her lover didn’t seem to find reason to get intimate with her. He was on his back now, as she went down on him.

“Elizabeth- I can explain.” He said, giving up the vain attempt to get relaxed. The female sighed, raising her body up.

“Hardly.” She replied. In the next moment she wrapped her unsatisfied body in a silk bathrobe. After a while of being motionless, Ciel reached for his glasses, took them on and sat up on the bed. Although being still young and fully active, he obviously didn’t feel like receiving another favor this evening. Actually, physically he could, yet something made him go… _nah_. His lack of passion was regretful.

“Please, go sleep on the couch again. That would prosper us.” She demanded. He understood that, after all, and so he even complied.

His cellphone and a blanket remained his only company. The living room was whole dark and quiet. Minutes went by and Ciel’s eyes were closed, his mind floating away. Until the cellphone buzzed and woke him up again. The male just lifted his wrist as the phone rested in his hand. The number on the enlightened screen was unsaved but familiar. The single word under the number got Ciel’s body tensed.

 _“Sleeping?”_ The screen went black again but his heart was catching up the missed beats. He faced the darkness steadfastly. Little did he know that the _devil_ won’t leave him alone for long. He tried way too hard for that.

Ciel was _eager_ to answer. But stubborn too. He knew he would obey sender’s wishes by answering and he was nobody’s bitch, was he? More minutes passed, his eyes were closing but he remained alerted. Another buzz came then.

 _“Offended, are we?”_ The same sender, proving his identity without doubt. Nobody except him could be this insolent. Ciel couldn’t last it anymore.

 _“What do you want from me?!”_ He wrote back swiftly. He didn’t like finding the exclamation mark in his own message when he re-read it. He tends to solve things calmly, so why now? The conversation went on quite rapidly. The stranger on the other side didn’t hide his keenness and replied within seconds.

 _“Your hand in your pants.”_ The ridiculously nasty message was obviously meant to be sarcastic but had Ciel dismayed. Interested, bewildered, but yes, honestly, dismayed. Yet he tried to keep cool.

 _“Oh? You’re quite sassy, in view of how tongue-tied you were back then.”_ Ciel wasn’t afraid to hit the send button furiously and victoriously.

 _“Well well now, let’s talk about tongue-tied when I make out with your asshole.”_ It shouldn’t have surprised Ciel so. A shudder run down his spine. But honestly? His body was being filled with odd tensions. He should’ve known Sebastian’s reason was to sext him.

Ciel was tensed, shocked and blushing. And then he wasn’t. He texted back. Later than before, but he did.   _“You have some hots for me?”_ He was aware that it turned into prepubescent conversation but he wasn’t the type to play mature at all cost.

 _“Don’t you?”_ Was the unexpected answer. Again, Ciel could have guessed he would reverse his question. And then, before he responded, he went through the previous messages. He couldn’t deny that his pants were getting tighter. He bit his lip.

Every smart person would know that feeding the sender with ‘I’m not gay’ or ‘You’re absolutely delusional’ would only encourage his taunts and prove the real thing. It was obvious even to Ciel that he got a hard-on for a guy in black and that Sebastian, in the end, was real enough to always be at an advantage. It told a little more abut his personality, he seemed to know how to use people.

By now Ciel postponed the answering. His hand was busy reaching in his own pants. He was turned on, indeed. He was finally thrilled with _something_ and he felt like using himself too. Guilt aside, he felt something that Elizabeth wasn’t enough to provide.

“ _Hello?”_ Another message came but Ciel was already gone with his mind. Or, actually, not so far gone from the sender. Sometimes, people find themselves in certain situations, with mind drifting in strange directions, and they wish they wouldn’t. Ciel was his own priority, always, and since nobody else could see him now, he didn’t care what makes him keen, he dug for any little reason that _did._

He hated to let the odd stranger control his thoughts. He would like to say he could give himself better reason to be aroused but he just couldn’t. It seemed like they both were so simple-minded and no one minded _._ Not at all. Just their instincts always mattered, like animals, Ciel found it unbelievable. As he closed his eyes, sighed, he let his own hand pleasure himself like nobody ever could.

No message was sent nor received until Ciel finished, with enough imagination that Sebastian has provided him today. He was lying still, breathless, thinking of how this happened. He didn’t think about the acts happening in reality, he would never. But in his mind, he was free. And he liked that freedom, and he wanted nobody else to get into his mind, which he now suffered from. Nobody has ever tried that. So why is Sebastian interested?

“We should talk.” Ciel texted at last, suddenly feeling rational. Now when he calmed his libido, he was determined to find out who he’s dealing with, as Meyrin said, he will have to do it himself, after all.

He waited for an answer a few minutes. Nothing happened. It was a chase. One chased the other. Ciel was sleepy. Nothing happened. In the end he took courage and decided to do something unexpected, perhaps for both of them. His hesitant thumb hovered above the green call button and at last he pressed it lightly. The number has been dialed.

Precariously he put the phone to his ear and his pupils wandered around the living room from side to side, as he started hearing the beeps. His heart thumped faster. It’s not like he wouldn’t be able to make a phone call but, well, he hated to deal with people. He would avoid making them at all.

Despite that, he patiently waited, listening to the steady beeps. He was expeditiously thinking of the words he would say. Would he shout (perhaps quietly enough not to wake Elizabeth)? Would he blame him sharply for his stupid childish games? He surely would be hypocritical, he would scold him for the messages, obviously not mentioning that he _just_ jerked off efficiently because of them. But he was already deleting it from his memories, rather. His mind was basically like a shredder, everything that gets there, he rather forgets, unless it gets stuck there. Which Sebastian managed. Which of course, Ciel’s stubborn head refused to process.

As he waited, nothing happened. And then it did. Sebastian declined the call. Just like that.

“No.” Was the simple, final answer that Ciel got in form of a text message. He felt offended. Because once he stepped over his stubbornness and joined his game, he was refused. That affected him, and his pride.

* * *

 

Sebastian seemed to be the one to cut the contact. Once in the evening, Ciel visited the fitness randomly, but nothing interesting happened, nobody familiar showed up. It has been three days, Ciel slept on the keyboard at work for the first two, and his boss would clip him round the ear. She’s an imperious woman in her thirties or forties (hard to say with the make-up and fake breasts), who knows how to handle her employees, especially Ciel. She thought that he is very talented and skilled man, but sadly, not even that much lazy as too depressed to try to produce something. Ciel spends his time drawing nonsense on his graphic tablet in Microsoft paint, such as made-up characters (sometimes morbid when he’s in a bad mood) or writes signs and slogans, that mostly can’t even be used for the advertisements (unless people wanted to doubt their life purpose after reading them.)

Anyway, the third day at work, Ciel would finally start to cooperate and found himself doing something a little productive. He knew he wouldn’t be fired, because one day of being productive always saves him at least two days of slacking off. Now that Ciel thought he would finally stop thinking about the ridiculous incident in the bar, it felt rather freeing. On the other hand, the boredom and stereotype was crawling up to his nerves. His depression never ceases, yet sometimes he is distracted enough to ignore it. And as he leaned in the spinning chair at work, glancing down at Chicago, he remembered not only the lounge night, but also the night with the card game. It was the day returning him his teenage days which he awfully wasted. Days he would find out he’s not enjoying himself, his life, and thus not having energy to go out with friends, if he could even call them friends.

Sebastian brought something to his life, and that something was giving him creeps. There was nothing right about that guy, he even smelled like illegality, but honestly, Ciel was very much able to succumb to drugs or crime if somebody offered him more exciting life. He took off his glasses and leaned his head back with a sigh, drifting away with his thoughts as the half-finished advertisement for life insurance hung at the Photoshop canvas.

Ciel wouldn’t text Sebastian, but in the evening, he led his steps curiously “around” the door with purple sign above, Unspoken cocktail & lounge bar. It looked like it’s closed, he hasn’t seen anybody enter or leave it (he would bet once people visit it, they don’t ever get out). Despite the sign was purple, the door looked like a gate to hell, though they were plain. And locked. Ciel turned around and acted like he didn’t want to open them. If he was a smoker, he would lean on the wall and at least pretend. Instead, he just stood beside the door, hands in pockets.

As he stood and thought about what he’s doing there, two girls in pretty outfits approached and pressed one of the buttons on the other side from Ciel. The door opened soon after and they casually walked in. That alerted Ciel. He followed them with his look and right before the door closed, he decided to slip in.

The hall was familiar, he would remember the way in, down the stairs. However he followed the girls, going the same way. Already here, he could hear the loud but calm music. Sebastian’s lounge was characteristic at this, it wouldn’t play fast or dance music, it was strictly leisure.

When he walked in, the place looked entirely different. No, not that the neat sofas were at different place, not that the pleasant purple backlight was missing, neither the bar didn’t contain less brilliant selection of drinks, everything was the same – but, the community. There was _some_ , actually, the club was full. Last time he had visited it, the place was empty, it was emptied and he was the only one invited, as it seemed. Now the spaces were open for public, and people looked like having wonderful time.  

Not many people were dancing, most of them were sitting around on armchairs, sofas, pillows. Some were smoking the water-pipe, as it reflected in the air consistence, some were sitting at the bar. Waitresses and waiters were walking around with platters. Soft beats of the music mixed with “elevator” music (as he would call it) were accompanying him around the place, leaving him in awe.

However, Meyrin, neither Sebastian seemed to be anywhere around. For a while he’s forgotten he is searching for them but then he was almost disappointed he hasn’t come across them. He decided to have a drink and wait.

At the bar stool, with the Bloody Mary cocktail (choosing by random) he was considering his presence again. Sebastian had wanted something from him; but now, what does he want from him back? Perhaps explanation. Being baited and then left on his own seemed slightly vulgar to him. And realizing that Sebastian _was_ vulgar in general was making him upset. He didn’t know what he would tell him. He was sure to see Sebastian smirk victoriously. Or, would he not? What if he stopped caring about Ciel? Maybe he just tried him, and stopped when he got what he wanted, when he got his attention and became bored. He was a player, he wanted to always be entertained with his game. Ciel realized that much, sighing, sipping.

Thinking about leaving, a song suddenly caught his attraction. The beats disappeared for a while and a little different kind of music came up. (Not so different for people to notice, but Ciel did, he knew the song.) It was Finally Moving by Pretty lights. It was the song that played when he came to the apartment with the girls and cards. His body tensed at the music. He stared into his red drink vacantly and went through his torn memories. He remembered bits and pieces, or at least the beginning for sure. His stomach twirled at the thoughts. As much as he tried, those memories wouldn’t get out of his mind. The obscenity, vulgarity of the event, but such an exciting experience for someone like him.  

He was paranoid to think he has been noticed, though it could have just been a coincidence that the song played. Would anybody care enough to provoke him with it? Sebastian was capable, yes, but was he interested? After all, Ciel did underestimate himself, why would anybody care about him more than he himself would?

After the one drink, he started feeling ridiculous. He wasn’t drunk in the slightest, and he didn’t think there was any reason to stay. On the way back, he received a call from Lizzy and had a brief conversation with her, speaking with no difference than ever before. They were ok, they survived under one roof and that was enough.

Another day at work, it was snowing outside, the wind was frosty and harsh. The heating was on in the office but Ciel was wrapped in a sweater, counting seconds on the clock. He had a few hours left. He was miserable today, having mild headache. He reached into the drawer in his desk and pulled pill packet out. He swallowed one pill and took a sip of the sparkling water next to his mug of coffee.

Out of boredom, he opened his e-mail to check it for at least tenth time today. A spam to which he signed accidentally when registering sometime, somewhere, bothered his inbox again. There was one more e-mail.

He straightened his posture and leaned closer to the screen when he didn’t recognize the sender and found out it is not a spam. The subject was empty and the mail contained only two plain words.

_“Miss me?”_

Ciel’s heartbeat quickened, he was excited and startled. This had to be obvious. Where did he get his e-mail address anyway? He wondered. And as well he realized, that apparently the whole thing must have been provocation. It thrilled Ciel, he knew he hasn’t been forgotten.

The desire to answer made him click the reply button but then he hovered his fingers over the keyboard, getting him stuck.

“Ciel, could you help me with the cover please?” Sounded from the other side of the room and he ignored it at first. For about the third attempt he finally noticed he was called, so he shut the browser down and got up.

Couple of minutes later he returned, not forgetting about what he was doing. He got back to the empty reply window and considered his answer. This time, he didn’t think about _not_ answering.

_“Where the fuck are you?”_

Ciel replied at last. There was no reason to blur it anymore, Sebastian might already know he was looking for him. And let’s face it, Ciel knew he is being stalked.

In matter of tens of seconds, as Ciel has been refreshing the page almost continuously, the reply came.

 _“Get the_ fuck _to the gym building.”_ The word ‘fuck’ was emphasized, pointing out Ciel’s eager vocabulary, as the phrase did not need to be there but Sebastian used it just to mock. Or maybe it had to be there since his vocabulary was a little rotten.

After he read it, there was no need to say more. Ciel hasn’t _even_ thought about the meaning of the sentence. It was an order shot straight to his brain, like a drug shot to his veins. He didn’t know if he meant _now_ , he didn’t care that the sender was a dangerous stalker, neither he considered what he should do. He just lifted himself, grabbed his coat and left his coffee to cool down on the table.

 


	6. Sober and somber

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys? I need your help. I noticed this story might be even more popular here than on FF.net, but yet, maybe because of the long pause, I became afraid that you are not interested anymore. I don't know if I can write when I get no feedback whatsoever, it's not worth my effort. I don't want to complain, but is there anybody who is (would be) actively interested in me continuing? Do let me know if you are, it would be shame to quit the story just because I'd underestimate myself.  
> Thanks in advance and here I'm uploading another chapter as an apology for taking it so horribly long last time! I hope you would appreciate this super fast update^^

As soon as Phantomhive arrived on the place, he looked around himself and exhaled a shaky cloud of mist to the frosty air. Just now he realized he was lacking information. He pulled his phone out of the pocket with his rigid frozen hands to check any potential e-mail or text. He found nothing. He decided to head inside the building then.

As he was about to walk in, he heard a car approaching behind him, so he turned around. A black, quite expensive looking car stopped in his near distance. He didn’t pay that much attention to it but before he turned around again, he noticed somebody get out of the car. His hands began to shake, or maybe just now he began to be aware of his whole body trembling. It must have been the cold.

Black heavy boots, black coat, coal hair, but very pale face. The tall figure leaned on the car casually and gave Ciel a piercing look right in the eyes. _What a poser_ , Ciel thought. He stood on the place for a while hesitantly. The car owner looked like having plenty of time to wait anyways. He didn’t smile at him, neither gave him any sign to come to him. Yet it was evident he demanded it. Honestly, Ciel expected, even hoped, he would meet up with Sebastian but he didn’t consider the possibility of getting into his car.

The face of the waiting one didn’t lose its steadiness, the battle between stubborn people was always tough. Instead, he pulled a packet of his cigarettes and put one between his lips. When Ciel saw that, he thought it would be useless to wait anymore. He stepped forward and began swiftly walking to the car. Sebastian’s eyes followed him as he opened the passenger’s door and got in the car. A smirk appeared on the taller man’s face at last, which Ciel couldn’t see anymore, and he put the unlit cigarette decently back into the packet. Obviously it was another provocation.

The owner joined and took the place behind the steering wheel. Ciel felt so agitated that he couldn’t look aside. He faced the front window with hazy edges. The space was filled with heavy silence. Ciel shifted himself on the leather seat which was the only rustling noise. He had to admit the seats were very comfortable. The inside of the car smelled little bit like the leather, some of peppermint and undoubtedly, Sebastian’s favorite cigarettes. It was all making Ciel sickly nervous.

A grasp of the keys resounded then, and with a click, the driver started the engine. The built-in radio switched on as well, and fortunately broke the silence. Ciel was thinking about saying something but when the music started playing, he excluded the option in the end. Another song by Pretty Lights was being played, as the digital screen of the radio described. The music never seems to have lyrics, which Sebastian was likely fond of. The car was started up and with a step on the pedal and a spin of the steering wheel, it was led on the road.

Sebastian leaned on the backrest and drove like he knew the way by heart, which he probably did. Ciel on the other hand, was stiffened and insecure. The music was quite loud so he didn’t even expect any conversation to begin. Even if so, Sebastian might not answer.

They got on a bigger road, which aimed into the streets surrounded by tall buildings. The sun was just about to set, so the city lights were getting visible. The streets were still covered in a thin layer of snow. Fortunately for them, the inside of the car was warm, thanks to the heating. Ciel observed the amount of cars they were passing, and the people walking on the pavements.  Everything here was decent, cold and business. These corporations, people in suits, Ciel has never understood business. He was a correct artist, from a different sphere, minding his own depressions.

Knowing the driver and his intentions, the drive might have been rather comfortable. But something was telling Ciel that Sebastian might in any time pull out a bottle of Jack or smoke with the window opened. Surprisingly, that didn’t seem to happen. The passenger averted his gaze from the busy road, and aimed his sight ever so slightly to driver’s direction. Here he noticed something, while he examined his hands on the wheel.

His grip was steady but relaxed, the skin pale and his fingers long. No ring on any finger, but what was the interesting thing, Sebastian’s fingers were tattooed. It was shocking at first, but it probably suited him more than anyone else. From this point of view, he could only see four of the fingers tattooed. Every of them had a different letter on it, but together they made no sense. Ciel wondered what that means.

Sebastian’s letter ‘R’ finger was tapping on the wheel in the rhythm of the music, giving another sign about his composure. The passenger’s curious eyes wandered some more to the side, giving him a view of the driver’s profile. A nice profile it was, Sebastian was handsome, rather even attractive. His hair was slightly messy, covering a small part of his face, so he couldn’t see his eyes. His mouth was narrow and straight, his jaws shaved well.

After some time of getting used to the atmosphere, Ciel leaned back and faced the road again. They got out of the very center of the city, there where population was a bit thinner, but still rather busy district. Turning into a smaller street, the driver found a free place in the row and parked his car. It was time for Ciel to panic, he had no idea where they just appeared. The silence fell upon them again. At last, Sebastian glanced at his companion and their sights met. Ciel’s confused and worried (attempted to be hid beneath focused) look met other’s confident expression.

Sebastian was the first one to get out of the car, Ciel followed him right then. The two of them walked to one of the entrances in the block of flats. Ciel didn’t really recognize the place but there it occurred to him that Sebastian might be dragging him to another ‘fun party’. He didn’t feel like getting drunk at all, the only thing he wished was for this to finally be explained. Near the door, he stopped walking. Sebastian, with keys in his hand, stopped his movements too and looked back at him.

“Why should I trust you?” He finally asked. He wasn’t all that careless to fall for anything, so once in a while he decides to be rational. Sebastian smiled at him. But one smile wasn’t enough, they both knew it. He reached into his coat pocket and pulled the very keys of the car they just drove. He extended his arm and handed them to Ciel. Raising eyebrows, he took them from him. “Really?” He remarked sarcastically. He shoved them in his own pocket like they were a packet of bubble gum and followed Sebastian, who held the opened door, inside the house, _just_ like a trustful child who just received a packet of bubble gum. After all, asking about trusting him was just a formality, there was no way for Ciel to feel safe with this suspicious individual.

Having Sebastian’s keys, so that he can run away anytime and steal his car (as Sebastian apparently meant to sound), he now, feeling like a pawnshop, had his figurative trust in return. Conquering uncountable amount of stairs, they reached a door, and as Sebastian unlocked (with other keys) Ciel was getting an odd déjà vu. They appeared in a simple little shaded hall. There he was sure, he has already _been_ here sometime but he couldn’t remember when, it was blurry.

The host took off his coat and proceeded to another room. Ciel observed he didn’t take off his boots. The linoleum floor was old and worn-looking but wasn’t especially dirty. Yet Ciel kept his shoes on as well, and hung his coat next to the black one.

“Is this your place?” The guest asked as he didn’t notice anybody else in the flat (which was a relief to know). Without hearing an answer, he followed the other, finding himself in a small kitchen. Meeting Sebastian’s gaze, he received a mild nod, which was probably the most of an answer he’s ever gotten. The owner opened a cupboard where Daniels and a few other bottles of alcohol were standing. He turned to Ciel, who already had refusal on his tongue.

“Forget it, we’re dealing with this sober, this time.” He said strictly. This might be the chance of seeing Sebastian sober for the first time (if he even was; hard to believe when the only times he saw him were with a glass in his hand). Sebastian nodded once more and walked to a different section of the kitchen.

A bottle of expensive wine was placed on the table. Looking up from it, the guest saw Sebastian raise his eyebrow in a way like, is this good enough for you? Hard to refuse. Ciel sighed and shook his head.

“Unbelievable, you have serious issues you know that? You know that wine contains some alcohol too?” Was more or less rhetorical question and the red wine was already being poured in two wine glasses. They clinked their glasses and took a drink both. Ciel closed his eyes to perceive the taste and Sebastian’s eyes watched curiously from behind the glass.

A while later, they got to the living room, which was the same quality as the rest of the flat. There was no television, just a bookcase, a sofa and armchair, low table and some little necessary furniture. Ciel observed that the flat was free of pictures, it looked rather plain and simple, nothing too posh. Which he found very strange. It was obvious what Sebastian invested in. It seemed to him that he paid a lot for example for his car, alcohol and cigarettes, but didn’t mind to equip or decorate his flat more than necessary.

For the first time, Ciel could notice, when looking closely, that Sebastian was a little uneasy. Not stressed or anything, maybe somewhat, impatient.

“Why don’t you talk to me, Sebastian?” The designer asked, this time sounding as serious as he could. The host was slightly taken aback by the naming, which added on its seriousness. He put the empty glass on the low table as he got up (he couldn’t hold a glass of alcohol for too long without drinking it up). Ciel’s glass was also taken out of his hand before he finished it.  The tall male took the almost full glass in one hand, and grasped Ciel’s hand with the other, as he got him up and led elsewhere again.

Ciel’s body shivered at the touch, this time firm and determined grasp. His heart pounded strongly when they walked in the room opposite. He got anxious when he found out they are in a bedroom. A double bed was in the center of the room by wall. The bedding was simple (even white) and on each side of the bed there was a wooden night stand. It had one window with quite a nice view out. But Sebastian closed the door and as well the curtains. There was nearly a complete darkness.

“What the hell is going on-“ before he could ask, the young male was pushed on the bed behind him. The thumps of his heart were getting fierce, he gasped in shock. In a short while, Sebastian got on the bed too. The glasses were pulled off Ciel’s nose but he hardly perceived it. What interested him more, was an eager hand, unbuttoning his shirt. Sebastian could feel him trembling but nobody rather said anything now. The shirt was undressed and Sebastian then attacked Ciel’s neck, making him groan, again, at the shock. That was the first time Ciel was being intimate with a man. Actually, except the time when they made-out during the game the other day.

Ciel tried to push him away, but that attempt would be vain. Of course, he has been visiting the gym for a few weeks but that was nothing comparing to Sebastian’s months, maybe years worked-out muscles. His hands were strong and his body perfectly firm and steady to hold him down. It aroused Ciel, he couldn’t remember time that somebody would push him down and take control over him. How could anyone? He was supposed to be the one getting girls speechless. Instead of it, he was slowly coming to realization that he was actually the one who wanted to obey for once. He was phlegmatic after all, he was leaving decisions to others.

Sebastian’s lips travelled down his neck to his collar bones. They both could remember, at least faintly, when Ciel threw himself at Sebastian back then and they couldn’t get enough of each other until they were torn apart. This was the chance to continue what has been started.

Soon, Ciel was turned around like he weighted nothing and he was alarmed when Sebastian got rid of his pants harshly. He undressed him completely. Ciel was unable to plead him to stop, he was very well aware of cheating on Elizabeth, but he had so little time to actually decide. He didn’t expect it to turn out this way. Now that Sebastian kissed his neck from behind, and travelled on down his spine, he made him remember the text messages. Ciel had no idea that it could ever be more than provocation.

Sebastian took the glass of wine which he has brought from the living room. Ciel didn’t see it in the darkness but he heard something being taken from the night stand. Then he felt a liquid being poured onto his back, which was Sebastian’s improvised act. He balked at that, as the wine trickled down his back. Sebastian leaned down and played with his own idea.

Ciel stiffened when really; Sebastian kept his word and made his promises in the messages come true.  His tongue slid down his back, collecting the trail of wine, until he got at the _very_ end of his spine. Sebastian didn’t have problem to choose the most extreme way to impress. He did this without hesitation, he wasn’t an amateur. Ciel was on his four, some of the wine flowed down, across the slit and so Sebastian run his tongue over it. Little he pushed inside, hearing embarrassed Ciel whimper. He only used his tongue to get Ciel prepared. After few short minutes he reached to his table as he would already be ready for this situation.

His confused guest was breathing heavily and his body was shaky from the sudden new experience. He was too shocked to talk. He knew what is going to follow, and he didn’t prevent it anyhow. The owner used some lubrication as one might not expect from him. He firmly grabbed Ciel’s hips and shifted him closer. Right before he interacted with Ciel sexually, the bottom turned around and protested from his last will and strength. “How dare you think I’d want this with you?!”

No answer sounded, Sebastian was looking at him for a short while through the darkness. Eventually he lifted his hand and placed it on his cheek. His face was burning, as he could feel. From there he moved it behind his neck and pulled him closer. Sebastian knew Ciel wanted this, he wouldn’t rape him against his will (maybe). But the looks Ciel has been giving him for days, made him hundred percent convinced. They were very clear, Ciel didn’t resist him. He didn’t.

Some kisses were placed on his jaw and neck, getting him weak and yielding again. Sebastian used more gentle moves to get him back on four. Ciel was strangely bewitched, he obeyed. Finally Sebastian held him with one hand and in slower motion he penetrated him. Ciel cursed some, grabbing the only pillow that was on the mattress. The top worked on expanding Ciel a bit and went gently at him just for a while. But Ciel clutched the pillow when Sebastian thrust forcefully. He moaned because of the slight pain and pressure.

He couldn’t believe he gave Sebastian what he wanted, he was so easily seduced. He wished that man wasn’t attracting him so much. It was unimaginable he would question his sexuality until now. And yet, Sebastian’s moves were bringing Ciel pleasure in the end. While Ciel gasped and moaned in whiles, the topper has been perfectly silent. It made the atmosphere little more depressive. Sebastian looked quite casual when doing this, like it was an every day thing, and what if it was?

He went on and on, adding on force. They weren’t even drunk. Ciel leaned his face into the pillow when he felt the pain increasing, but he didn’t say anything out loud. Sebastian knew, but he was too eager to slow it down. He violated him with fast pushes and he loved every bit of it. Sebastian was that kind of person, he could truly enjoy sex. And he would usually make sure his partner enjoy it as well, he was even selfless in such things.

It drove Ciel’s mad when Sebastian’s fingers wrapped around his erection and guided him to feel better. He himself would be too shocked and sober to do it himself.  As the act was about to finish, Sebastian’s face was leaned by Ciel’s ear and he could perceive Sebastian sigh. It made his cock twitch in Sebastian’s hand. There were last thrusts to make the topper reach his climax, and (perhaps intentionally) he groaned in Ciel’s ear in low tone. Obviously, Ciel didn’t know what Sebastian sounds like and this was a bit too much for him. After that it didn’t take much for him to orgasm as well.

After the act, Ciel fell asleep on the bed. He knew it would be a mistake to do so, but he was too exhausted to stay awake.

* * *

Couple of hours later, a certain smell and noise woke Ciel up. It took him a moment to realize where he was. He panicked, finding himself alone in the plain bed. His body hurt on several places and his throat was sore, left with the uncomfortable taste of dry wine. From the floor, he collected his clothes and barefoot he left the bedroom. He suspiciously looked around the darkened hall and noticed light in the kitchen. What he found there, was nearly ridiculous.

Through the doorway, he saw Sebastian’s back view. He was wearing a _white_ undershirt, with some pants. Beneath the undershirt there was part of the tattoo visible, but Ciel still couldn’t read it like this. Sebastian’s hair was wet, so he assumed he had taken a shower. Now he felt very strange. It was like they were complete strangers, and yet they got so close.

Nevertheless, in addition, the owner was standing by the cooker and was _frying_ something. He already knew Ciel is standing behind him, but he didn’t do anything about it. Ciel stepped closer and standing on his tiptoes, he looked over his shoulder. There were eggs and bacon on the frying pan. He was dying of hunger. Glancing around the room, he wondered what time it is. There was one window, behind which it was dark. A wall clock hung nearby, showing nine minutes after eleven. A sudden melancholy surrounded Ciel, leaving him staring into the window. He didn’t stop until his host brought the plate to the table.

They shared the table but Sebastian didn’t eat. He only cooked for Ciel, perhaps he already ate before. Instead he had an ash-tray in front of him and smoked while Ciel ate. The guest noticed he wasn’t the only one exhausted and somehow somber. Sebastian had dark circles under his eyes and he was apparently tired. Ciel was very surprised he let himself be seen like this, he wasn’t as dazzling as he usually is. But despite that, the weariness suited him. It made him look like a man. Frankly, he has never appeared neat and posh. He was something you would rather call a hot mess. He was something a person would find attractive and wanted to get. He was someone you wanted to have sex with, but not be in his company for too long. That wouldn’t prosper anyone.

His life and attitude looked like it’s organized, but focusing on details, he had to be _so_ chaotic in the inside. Ciel could notice that. He wondered why Sebastian found him and took his time to seduce him. And why did he first use women and didn’t do it directly? It was very smart from him, he easily transformed Ciel’s sexual desires for women, through looking at him meanwhile, into desires for him. But the question was, will Ciel get bored with him too? And will Sebastian? That would mean they split and let this flow behind them peacefully, Ciel’s favorite method of dealing.

But judging from Sebastian’s intent look at Ciel eating the food he made him, he could assume that Sebastian wasn’t done with him. He dragged at his cigarette and in silence he watched. Ciel didn’t return his gaze, he sliced the bacon in half, staring at it absently as he does.

When the food was finished, nobody took it away from the table. Ciel got up when Sebastian stubbed his cigarette out and left. Ciel should hardly expect Sebastian to allow him to stay the night (and if he did, he would _maybe_ refuse). Ciel speedily collected all his things and went with Sebastian, who was already waiting at the door.

Just as the last time, Sebastian took Ciel home by his car. No single word accompanied their way. Elizabeth would find out nothing, when Ciel was dropped near the house. Just before he got out of the car, he looked at the driver. He had so much to say. He wished he knew what he felt like after this all. In the end he said nothing. He opened the door, got out and shut it behind him, standing back to the car.  His stiff body was trembling and his heart quivered. He felt cold, mentally and physically. He felt used, vulnerable. He kept standing on the place for a while to calm down.

Right before he started walking to his house, someone swiftly came to him from the side and grabbed the cloth of his sweater harshly. He was pulled closer, slightly upwards, as the second one leaned down and kissed him on mouth. Ciel’s heart began to pound rashly and once again they kissed hungrily as if they starved for weeks. Sebastian savored Ciel with tongue, but just briefly, showing him he will come back for him. Then he got back to his car without turning around, and at last drove away. Ciel stared into the night, shocked. Little did he know, he was invited to such a dangerous game.


	7. One more night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Hello! Welcome to the seventh chapter of Unspoken! Thank you all of you who comment the story and who patiently wait for my next update! I’m very happy about your interest and this chapter wouldn’t be here, if you didn’t support me guys! Thank you and please enjoy!   
> PS: I decided to make a small numbers at some words in the story, at which I’m not sure if you understand. Some of you might not be native speakers so that’s for you, or the contrary, maybe native speakers don’t understand something because /I/ myself am not. So all the meanings are at the end of the story with their numbers. I think it isn’t necessary but it’s nice if you exactly know what I meant by the phrase! :)  
> PS 2: Also excuse my possible mistakes in the text, I update as soon as possible so I don’t correct it more than once.  
> PS 3: http://www.wikihow.com/Identify-a-Psychopath I’ll just leave it here. I swear to god I didn’t base Sebastian’s character on the 3rd picture lol, I swear! XD

_"Lounge bar 2night."_

Ciel's stomach clenched when reading an incoming text on his cellphone. He looked around the office and then back down, exhaling. His mouth corners unconsciously curled into a smile. He wouldn't admit the order made him excited but, after all, they haven't gotten in contact for a few days. Ciel didn't mind being ordered around, he barely even took it that way. He saw it as an opportunity to get away from his ordinary life. His body trembled at the memory of their meetings. He was still annoyed with Sebastian, in some way, but he couldn't deny the need to see him again.

He didn't reply. It pleased him to tease him back so that Sebastian didn't know if he comes. Even though, Sebastian  _did_  know he will. Yet Ciel thought about not coming. It would be nice to wash that smirk of his away. Moreover, what was with that invitation? Putting manners aside, did it mean "a blowjob session" or "come to have a drink and exchange some stares session"?

Ciel leaned back in his chair and daydreamed once again. He was now living a side-life, which wouldn't be much approved by anyone, especially not Elizabeth. Is this a hook-up or a beginning? He wondered. On the other side, he refused to get more involved with Sebastian, being sensible. That man could be very problematic.

* * *

 

On the other hand, nobody could be more problematic than lady Elizabeth. That woman was getting hysteric, Ciel was no psychologist but he could recognize this is not normal behavior when his partner threw a plate at him.

“Are you normal, you cunt?!” He shouted as he couldn’t hold himself. The clock ticked off seven minutes after 8 PM. Ciel wasn’t willing to fight, he would rather run away from his problems.

“Don’t you dare touching me you impotent jackass!” Ciel furrowed his eyebrows and shot her an offended glare as she went too far with that.

“Hah! Maybe it’s just you, being fugly1!” He shouted back as he was about to leave, dodging the flying wet sponge.

Nobody said it wasn’t Ciel’s fault, maybe it was true that he lacked respect towards girls, in fact it has been his weak point from the childhood. Nobody said he wasn’t a, excuse me, shitty personality. However that was maybe the reason why they got together at the first place, Lizzy wasn’t an angel herself, and the way she treated men could be mistaken for feminism, and feminism is always excused as a reason. Possibly hysteria too, if the diagnosis wasn’t long somewhat taboo.

Moreover, Ciel realized that dating Lizzy was another thing preventing him from being bored because to be honest, they both enjoyed drama. Although just up to a certain extent, going further is only getting them aggressive and dangerous in each other’s presence, and indeed, they have crossed that boundary. Nothing ever feels dangerous enough after leaving Lizzy raging at home, not even visiting that Jack-obsessed-moron.

* * *

 

“Ciel, darling, I can’t believe it!" Ok, this was the attitude Ciel liked from girls.

The lounge bar was half-filled today. Purple backlight pleasant as ever. The music at its usual, the smell of smoking water pipes too. On the white sofas with black pillows, there were four girls sitting, some of them even familiar to Ciel, but just barely. The one who called him waved her hand at him and invited him to come over.

“It’s me, Gia, you remember me? Or you were far too drunk?” She giggled and shifted on the sofa, closer to her friend.

“More like he was too dazzled by somebody else to pay attention.” The other one said. Ciel just laughed awkwardly and stepped closer.

“Hello ladies, (he stated falsely as he could), um, yeah, I think I remember you.” He replied and at another inducement he joins them. Between the two sofas there was a low table with a hookah2 and a few alcoholic drinks. Bad girls, indeed. He thought sarcastically (really).

They introduced themselves once again which Ciel has gradually forgotten in matter of seconds, maybe he didn’t really care about names. Or he was so disturbed by the many questions in his head, as usually. It was needed to filter some of the thoughts.

“So you also visit this place? Are you Sebastian’s friends?” He chose a question and looked at the tattooed girl beside him.

“Ah, friends, does Sebastian even have friends?” She laughed and the others too. Then she took the hookah hose and handed it to Ciel, who again explained that he doesn’t smoke.

“So, what, are you his fuck buddies?” He asked in confusion, furrowing eyebrows and it smelled a bit like jealousy. Not that anybody noticed. Not that anybody _said_ they noticed. They just chuckled. (They were a bit high.)

“Yes and no.” She said mysteriously, Sebastian’s secretiveness must have been contagious. “We’re companions, you might say that.” She said amusedly.

“He’s very sociable, you see. He loves company.” The young girl opposite (who was so not full-aged to be here) said.

“One of the typical signs of a psychopath.” The one beside her added quietly.

“Oh yeah? He doesn’t _talk_.” Ciel said emphatically with an ironic shake of his head. He totally didn’t understand the charade, _still._

“Don’t act like it doesn’t make him interesting. It doesn’t let you sleep, does it?” Gia said, winking her long eyelashes mysteriously. Ciel looked into her brown eyes curiously and she was right.

“He’s a poser, what can I say. How can you buy that3.” He asked as he leaned on the back rest, despising their admiration towards Sebastian (what a hypocrite (like you’re surprised.))

“We don’t, he buys it to us.” A blonde made a pun and laughed when raising her glass of alcohol. Now it was quite obvious, they probably just used each other. Sebastian had his bitches and they had free drinks. But wait, Ciel didn’t want to be one of them, he’s not even a girl – he realized.

“Is he here tonight?” He asked then, returning to the former reason he’s come.

“Oh yes he is. He went to deal with something but he will be around for sure. Why don’t you order a drink meanwhile?” A waitress was just approaching them so Ciel turned to her and decided to take the advice in the end. He was given a menu so he randomly picked something with gin.

About half an hour passed, Ciel joined a casual conversation while sipping on his drink. It felt so relaxing to be here, he has never been part of this kind of entertainment and the environment was surprisingly very pleasant. The relaxed feeling passed right away when another person joined their company. As Ciel turned head aside, his body tensed, his breath speeded up and he felt excitement and adrenaline fill up his veins. He nearly twitched like only the sight charged him up violently.

“Where have you been so long, you splendor?!” Resounded behind Ciel faintly and the attention was attracted to the single man who dragged an extra seat to their table and sat down, leaning his elbows on the knees. Ciel wasn’t able to speak up right now. Sebastian could apparently wear anything and would pull it up looking magnificent.

He was wearing a white shirt, a black vest and black tie. Sleeves rolled up, a belt around hips and watches on wrist. It was worn too messily, too hot to be formal. His hairstyle and face must be illegal, the way his front hair is swept to the side so it doesn’t fall into his face, the way his thin lips are chapped as he tends to bite them, making him so attractively imperfect. He was far from perfect, you could see some dark circles under his eyes, those eyes which were too feminine, his eyebrows was ridiculously well shaped and his cheekbones probably too visible.

No, just kidding, it was exactly what was making him appear perfect. It was hard to consider something about him as imperfection, even though generally you would. Everything suited him so well. Maybe it was the way he carried himself, he was confident, he made himself look good. He was never ashamed.

Ciel’s heart was racing, he avoided Sebastian’s look. Vainly, it was pinned at him. It was making Ciel nauseous, maybe it was the smell of smoke. Maybe the sudden stress. Sebastian lifted himself just to lean over to Ciel. Ciel tensed even more, not moving an inch when the taller male moved towards his ear. He _almost_ expected him to whisper something. As his lips nearly brushed over his ear (making him shiver) but in the end lowered right under his jaw and kissed his skin lightly. In the next moment he was sitting at the square ottoman seat 4 again.

Ciel reddened and his glasses got a little foggy so he took them off. The light was dim, fortunately. Sebastian joined the girls right away and instead of his usual cigarette he took a puff on the hookah. He then handed it to Ciel when breathing out the smoke but he refused again. The girls remarked that he’s already said so. Sebastian tilted his head and raised an eyebrow, taking another drag for himself.

In the next moment, Sebastian was brought a Lynchburg Lemonade5 by the waitress. There it occurred to Ciel that Meyrin wasn’t anywhere present but he found it inappropriate to ask, he didn’t want to look like he cared too much. But he saw Meyrin as a kind of support because she has been so far the only one giving him some proper information.  It seemed that she didn’t work today.

“Are you sure you don’t want to try it? Have you ever?” Gia asked Ciel later, again about the smoke. Ciel replied he’s tried on high school and doesn’t desire another try.

“Not even from Sebastian?” The brunette closest to Sebastian suggested with a sly smile. Sebastian returned her the smile. Ciel winked twice but was confused. Subsequently, she passed the hose to Sebastian who took a deep inhale of the flavored tobacco. Then he leaned to her slowly and she moved towards him. Ciel witnessed them join their lips and then part them as she took the smoke mouth to mouth. She exhaled it then when they moved off. Phantomhive was disgusted, the nausea appeared again. He didn’t react anyhow and the conversation soon moved on. He didn’t do anything at first so that he wouldn’t look offended but after a while he got up without a word and headed to the bar, carrying his empty glass along.

At the bar he returned the glass and ordered a new cocktail, again randomly, but a strong one essentially. In a while he returned to the table. Sebastian was playing games with him again and Ciel was defenseless, if he was as smooth as him, maybe he could play against him fairly. He might think of something later – now, the drink.

The music, conversation, smoking, drinking, went on. Sebastian’s watches showed half past 9. The girls seemed to have fun, everybody was getting wasted, including Sebastian, who was never really sober. His typical behavior was under influence of the alcohol and his immune livers prevented him from getting too sick. Yet Ciel thought about the last time, when he would swear Sebastian was sober. He had looked somewhat more human.

“Do you still think I’m cute?” Ciel leaned towards Gia and whispered in a way that nobody else could hear it. It escalated quickly with the alcohol in his veins. Gia made a surprised face and then smiled widely. She turned to him and whispered back.

“Do you want me or are you planning to get Sebastian jealous?” Ciel balked at that but rolled his eyes.

“Well” he paused “he started it and I don’t want him to think he owns everything.” He admitted in a slightly drunken voice. Gia laughed shortly and soundlessly, nodding.

“Absolutely understood.” She knew what Sebastian is like and she got Ciel’s point. Lifting herself, she stepped closer and to Ciel’s surprise, sat on his lap. His eyes widened but knowing he will be watched, he tried to look composed. Gia made herself comfortable on Ciel’s lap and threw her hand around his shoulders. Everybody glanced at them curiously. Sebastian’s eyes got alerted, he took a drink.

Ciel wasn’t very sure about this but the girl at his lap took control. Without a problem she bent down and kissed Ciel. After a short pause he was determined to act and so he kissed her back with acted passion. He no longer cared about his own relationship when he was in the heat of this wicked game. They started making out.  The two sitting opposite were surprised but didn’t care that much. Sebastian was taken aback but didn’t let it be showed. Ciel lifted his closed eyelids and gave Sebastian a quick glance, which incensed Sebastian even more.

“Is there a problem, Sebastian?” She asked when parting from Ciel. Now she was on Ciel’s side, maybe because of the curiosity, nobody’s ever seen Sebastian exude any emotion such as jealousy. Everybody was curious, everybody was eager to see a new, undiscovered part of Sebastian. Because everybody around was platonically in love with him.

The male in the vest eyed them expressionlessly at first but then smiled as he’s over it. He appreciated Ciel’s effort. It pleased him as he tried to make him jealous, it was another prove that he was playing his game.

In the end Gia climbed off his lap as it wasn’t necessary anymore. Sebastian didn’t react violently, his self-control was trained. Ciel had his third drink nearly finished by now, his looks at Sebastian were getting transparent and conspicuous. Sebastian has never hid them at the first place. After another 20 minutes the two girls disappeared, Ciel only faintly heard something about drugs and throwing up or something. Gia decided not to be a third wheel and went to find somebody else she knows in the bar. Ciel barely noticed they were left alone at the table. The conversation left off.

Sebastian was the more eager one in the end. He knew Ciel was all trembling in anticipation, he could almost hear his heartbeat (you could say he was dizzy and drunk, mistaking the beats of the music for his heartbeats, not that they sounded any different.)

He reached for Ciel’s forearm. Like a feather he sharply brought him closer, intentionally so that he would fall at him. As he was tumbling down, Sebastian grabbed his hips and seated him at his own lap, but with his legs spread. It was easily possible at the seat without armrests and backrest. Ciel drunkenly asked him what he’s doing and leaned his palms on Sebastian’s firm shoulders.

This time, the older male didn’t smirk or give him a sly look. He looked up into his eyes with desire and swallowed, so that his Adam’s apple moved visibly at his taut neck, which Ciel watched with fascination. They dedicated each other long lasting looks without moving until Sebastian reached behind him, took the pipe hose at the last try and he was convinced it will be successful this time. Ciel watched him take a puff and he indeed didn’t resist this time, they leaned towards each other and Phantomhive let Sebastian transmit the smoke into his mouth. It was intoxicating in every way. Their lips met just briefly and Ciel exhaled soon enough not to cough. But such a sample wasn’t enough for them and Sebastian dropped the hose when Ciel wrapped arms around his neck and kissed him hungrily.

Sebastian even gasped in shock, which drove Ciel crazy. He longed to hear his voice. Barely he’s heard him gasp or groan which must have gone out of Sebastian’s control. He was determined to make him talk, it can’t be that hard, he would do anything to hear him, he would never think he would miss someone’s voice so much. He didn’t think knowing a voice can be so essential. What does it sound like? And will he ever hear it? What does he have to do? Go mad? There is no way discussing it or begging him... But he would do anything.

Eventually Sebastian led Ciel out. The table’s bill was of course whole Sebastian’s. Ciel followed him out of the lounge bar, he didn’t complain, he didn’t ask. He wasn’t sober, he trusted Sebastian blindly because so far he’s always been led somewhere unforgettable.

Sebastian took his car. “You’re drunk.” Ciel observed, knowing it was extremely dangerous to drive drunk at night. Sebastian couldn’t care less, he was aware, maybe even used to it. Has he ever been caught? Ciel wondered. The safety belts were fastened, the driver took the shortest way. Fortunately he didn’t seem to drive dangerously. Fast yes, but seemingly he managed it very well. In a short while they arrived to the place Ciel recognized. It was Sebastian’s place. Remembering the last time, Ciel’s heart thumped fast.

…

Questions were unasked, romance and manners were forgotten. Ciel and Sebastian ended at the very bed as the last time. Ciel’s clothes was threw off, piece after another. He was breathless, quivering, aroused.

Sebastian took off his tie, kneeling above Ciel. The room was shaded, just the street lamp lights were getting through the window dimly.  Ciel watched him take off his tops until he was shirtless. Ciel then reached for him and dragged him down. To Sebastian’s surprise he turned him over (he let him do so) and straddled Sebastian instead. He barely knew what he was doing, of course. He just felt like not letting Sebastian decide about everything.

He lowered to take Sebastian’s pants off completely. When he was already down, Sebastian let himself be carried away and pushed Ciel’s head down at him. Ciel was temped for a second, nearly succumbing to giving Sebastian a head but right before that he slapped his hand away and crawled at the top again. He remembered Sebastian reaching in the drawer last time, so he checked both of the side drawers and found the lubrication in one of them. Sebastian didn’t protest, he was entertained watching him take control. He was very curious about that. And turned on.

Coating his hand with the gel, he wrapped his hand around Sebastian’s erection and spread it from the top to the base. Sebastian’s breathing got slightly heavier but not to notice. He remained silent. Ciel felt the length harden more in his hand and that got him more aroused himself. When fulfilling the purpose, he put the lubrication aside and taking a breath, he seated himself down at Sebastian, who was amazed, not knowing he would really go that far.

Ciel tried to hold himself from making a sound but several feelings mixed in him. Sebastian was intoxicated too, he breathed out soundlessly, bringing his hand up to run it through his hair that fell in his face again. Ciel slid himself slowly down to get stretched, bearing the pressure. In a short while he started to move. At first slower and then sped up, letting a moan escape him. Sebastian kept his eyes open to watch Ciel’s face. When he bent over him, placing his hands each beside Sebastian’s head, he relaxed some more but rode Sebastian with more eagerness. There Sebastian tensed and leaned his head in the pillow, closing his eyes. Ciel groaned again, getting used to the movement and the actual depth of this position. It was a bit painful pleasure, he tried not to go all the way down.

Sebastian was in love with the way he was ridden, sometimes he’d push against Ciel, making him scream out. Eventually he raised his body, taking Ciel with him as he sat up. This way they were closer to each other. Ciel wrapped his arms around Sebastian’s neck again, continuing with the moves up and down and felt himself brushing against Sebastian’s flat stomach. Sebastian started kissing Ciel’s neck that was within reach, biting and sucking at it as well. Ciel then looked down, their looks met briefly, indicating the desire to kiss each other and they did. They literally attacked each other’s mouth. They joined their tongues and when Sebastian recognized Ciel is getting exhausted, he grabbed him and turned them around.

The bottom fell on his back and Sebastian was the one who continued with the trusts. This way the movements gained in speed and force. Ciel screamed out. Sebastian held him firmly and didn’t spare him anymore.

When they both climaxed, Ciel lied down exhausted, panting, while Sebastian sat on the edge of the bed. This time Ciel didn’t fall asleep and when Sebastian stood up, he sat up. “I need a shower.” Ciel said. Sebastian turned his head when standing in the door and he jerked it towards the next room, indicating to come with him. Ciel didn’t hesitate and followed him. Right across the bedroom there was a door to a small room. Sebastian stepped in, leaving the door half opened. He didn’t bother switching the lights on but since the hall was slightly enlightened, they could see shapes in the bathroom. In the room there were basically only a bathroom sink with mirror above and a shower.  Also some other necessary stuff on the shelf or the sink, but not much.

Sebastian got in the shower with tiled walls, and waited for Ciel to get in as well while he turned the water on. Ciel appreciated the moment to see him stand there and let the stream be washed over him and make his hair wet, and further trickle down his tall pale body. The figure raised his arms and put his face into his palms. Sliding up, he gathered the hair from his forehead with fingers, tucked it behind, leaning head back as he let it get drenched with water. The view got soon foggy with the steam accumulating around the shower.

Ciel decided to join. Stepping forward and crossing a stair up, he appeared in the shower corner close to Sebastian, who turned to him. The water flowed from above, making them both soaked.  Sebastian liked Ciel’s height, as he was a half head lower than himself when standing opposite. The taller took Ciel behind his nape and pulled him closer, into a kiss. Ciel put his hands at Sebastian’s chest, in the narrow space between them but still they could feel their water covered bodies brushing. As they both were rather tired, they washed themselves quite regularly and after a few minutes got out.

Sebastian walked out of the bathroom, while Ciel stood in the bathroom door. He breathed in and wanted to call Sebastian’s name, or follow him. He wanted to try asking, if he could stay. Tonight, he didn’t feel like returning home at all. He was disgusted by that option. But just before he could do that, he heard the main door being unlocked and opened. He turned his head on the other side of the hall, and he was surprised by a person coming in the flat.

A young woman closed the door behind her and unbuttoning her coat she lifted her head and her sight met Ciel’s, who furrowed his eyebrows. He was only wearing a towel.

“What the hell?” The red haired girl said.

“Meyrin?” Ciel asked nearly in disbelief. “What are you doing here?” At such late hour, he thought.

Sebastian, wearing just pants, walked from the bedroom, crossing the hall. He looked at both of them and smiled shortly when seeing Meyrin, waving a hand at her before continuing into the kitchen.

Okay, what is Meyrin doing here and why does she have keys to Sebastian’s apartment? He thought. They looked like it was normal thing for her to come here. But seeing Meyrin, it didn’t look like it was normal for Sebastian to have a night visitor, or at least a man visitor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Meanings of the words:  
> 1 Fugly = fucking ugly  
> 2 Hookah =water pipe  
> 3 Buy something = believe somebody something (meaning Sebastian’s fake behavior)  
> 4 Ottoman seat = I took ages to label this thing. It’s the square seat, footstool, tuffet, pouf or pouffe whatever you choose to call it  
> 5 Lynchburg Lemonade = to your surprise, a cocktail with Jack Daniels


	8. Cold but warm

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Idk I updated. Hey hey, listen guys. This is a short chapter, about a half of a normal one - BUT. It's earlier. It was all somehow improvised, free, I let my feelings flow into this chapter. It's fucked chapter. It's a bit weird but I think you might like it. I seriously work with the atmosphere and feelings here, but I also used some of that spice and sass and well, I feel like cooking a soup. This chapter is a soup of my feelings, I hope you like it!  
> PS: Who guesses what the title of the chapter stands for is the best but you probably won't, hah.

„Unbelievable! You really succumbed to him so fast?!” Meyrin said suddenly with lively joy and laughed out loud. Ciel’s face blushed – did he, though? He only watched her act like home, not even taking her shoes off, she followed the raven-haired to the kitchen. “Man, you look tired – let me…” Ciel only heard that much. He furrowed brows and out of the discomfort he went to collect his clothes. Well, it didn’t look like sleepover to him anymore.

Faintly he heard Meyrin talking in the kitchen, which of course couldn’t be considered as a conversation but some kind of communication, seemingly. He clumsily got into the creased clothing, while the alcohol was steaming out of his brain. It occurred to him, why he has even agreed to this. It was degrading. Sebastian dragged him here like he was a random prostitute in the bar. It was honestly making Ciel sick, in the end it was him who really wanted to leave. This wasn’t good for him.

Quietly he left the bedroom, closing the door slowly behind him. The image of his own warm home, dinner and maybe a tea, plus his bed, it didn’t sound so bad. Not even Elizabeth, at least she was capable of a simple conversation. As he was heading to the door, sighing, a hand landed on his shoulder from behind. With a sharp refusal on his tongue, he turned around, features resolute and alerted, but seeing the face got him defenseless. Expression softening, he remained silent.

Sebastian stood behind him with an innocent face, with a-.. It’s fucking ridiculous. No, it’s not even believable. Ciel was so determined to bawl him out for fucking with him like that, but that jerk, instead of the Black Devil in his mouth, he had a freaking little fork in his mouth. In the other one, he held a plate with a piece of cake. He just couldn’t believe it. Then he took the fork out of his mouth and _smiled._ Shaking his head in disapproval _._ And then? Then he sliced off a bit of the cake and put it to Ciel’s mouth in offer. _Smooth bastard_. Nothing could make him look awkward or guilty, no, that was his talent.

“You’re pathetic.” Ciel muttered and took the bit in his mouth like an eager kid. Sebastian put hand behind his back and led him back to the kitchen, which Ciel didn’t disagree with, as he was shut up with the tasty cake. Somehow Sebastian knew it wouldn’t be hard to let him stay for some more.

The clock ticked the night seconds away. The tree of the young people were sitting at the kitchen table, staring speechless. A clack of the fork against the place sounded. Ciel’s eyes rose – looked right, looked left. Sebastian, leaning on the backrest of his chair, was yet again holding a lighter and started turning it over in his hand, tapping it against the table at each spin.

Meyrin’s eyes narrowed, she watched the two men. Ciel swallowed his last piece of cake. His hands delicately pushed the plate away like queen Victoria after she’s done with her 5 o’clock tea, servants clear up (or rather: it doesn’t impress me much but you have my attention.)

“So you lads shag?” Meyrin spoke up out of the silence, sounding ridiculously British. She raised an eyebrow and showed Ciel an amused grin.

“…Excuse me?” Ciel eventually asked, furrowing eyebrows again and trying to sit casually but after a vain attempt to find comfortable position he ended up leaning his forearms on the table.

“If you fuck.” She said, moving her head forward and nodding slightly to explain better, “If you fuck Sebastian.” And before he could answer, she added once more, “oh snap, my bad. He fucks _you._ ”

“How is that your business?” Offended, Ciel leaned again on the backrest. Sebastian’s eyes scanned the situation curiously. Leaning behind himself, he grabbed his box of Devils from the kitchen unit but Meyrin took it from his hand right away, muttering briefly that ‘he doesn’t want to do that’. Surprisingly, he didn’t seem to resist. _Wow, she can handle him_ , Ciel thought.

“Everything is my business, honey” she said while taking one of the cigarettes for herself and putting it between her lips, making her lisp the following words “I’m the only one talking for Sebastian” she ignited the cigarette, receiving a look from Sebastian, “so if I were you, I would be cautious and shut your adorable mouth.” And dragging at the cigarette she looked at Sebastian, nodding, with her eyebrows raised, adding at last: “adorable indeed? Kissable too.” Sebastian, enthusiastically (perhaps overly pretending), approved with nods.

“ _Sick_ as fuck.” Ciel said with disgust, shaking his head. “Sorry for not sharing about my gay adventures!” He was done, apparently. Meyrin let out a hearty laugh.

Sebastian meanwhile, stood up and left the kitchen, probably to finally dress up (the poor boy was forbidden his cigarettes.)

“So how was it?” Like a rocket, Meyrin got from the other side of the table next to Ciel. She leaned closer, intimately, impatiently awaiting the answer.

“Well-“

“Magnificent, of course, look at you. You look satisfied.” She interrupted him.

“Like it wasn’t the first time-“ He tried to explain.

“No shit!” She laughed and jabbed him playfully. Ciel couldn’t help but laugh quietly. He didn’t even notice how, but the two of them ended up chatting for long minutes. They talked about nothing too important, they were both tired for that and it was that little _unspoken taboo_. There was something odd in the air, obviously, the relation of them three wasn’t ordinary – but Ciel didn’t ask. Not today. Let’s not spoil the evening.

Turned out, Mey was Sebastian’s sister. “Well, not really-really, we had the same mother, he’s my step brother.” She would explain. Ciel would nod at the great surprise. Everything seeming clearer now. But he didn’t ask nor got more information about their past, parents or anything else. Again, Ciel could say nothing else than, “Fucking sick.” The relationship between them was weird and shameless according to him. They were way _too_ close for siblings but Meyrin explained they are corrupted children.

Minutes turned into an hour or even more, and the conversation still went on, in the plain kitchen, at a cold night. Nice, sober conversation. “You know,” she started, “Sebastian might have a crush on you.”

“Oh no!” Ciel acted “It should have occurred to me when he was eye-fucking me in the gym and in its showers or! Oh, or pushing my head in eagerness to give him a blowjob. Damn, Mey, you got a point there.” She laughed for a long time at that.

“No, you silly. It was actually a very discreet thing to say. I know Sebastian the best, and I need to tell you, he doesn’t usually act like this.” The talk got more serious.

“What do you mean?” He asked.

“He isn’t much into boys. He’s arrogant and selfish prick. You know, he’s the type of person, who promenades around and expects everybody to do as he says. He believes everything can be his, and he has worked hard on himself to gain such confidence. He works on himself in every aspect. But in fact, he’s very broken. He has so many flaws. Sebastian is an eternal playboy. But he’s also a notorious drunkard and frankly, he’s close to killing himself with the cigarettes. And that’s not all. It is much, much worse but I won’t be telling you.”

“Why?” Ciel asked with great interest, listening patiently.

“Because that isn’t safe.” She said, nearly anxiously as it seemed. Her pupils were fluttering and she was avoiding the eye-contact. “At least for now. It’s up to you now, it’s your game after all. All I can say is, he is mad about playing it with you.” She finally looked into his eyes. “He’s not a good man, Ciel. But he’s also never cared. And to be honest, I’m seeing sides of him I’ve never seen before, and that’s scary.” She then got up, leaving the table. “Creepy, yes.” She added quietly as she does, shaking her head. “I’m heading home, I’m just on a visit, don’t worry.”

Ciel stayed at the table for some more time, even after she left the flat. He felt himself trembling for some reason. The packet of cigarettes was gone, for Sebastian’s sake she probably took them with her. Sebastian seemed to make it, though. Which reminded Ciel, he’s forgotten to take his antidepressants again. And then he realized, he doesn’t even feel like he needs them.

Leaving the kitchen, the guest got to the bedroom, followed by the moonlight. Peeking in the room, his heart skipped a beat, but he was also amused by the view. Sebastian was spread on his bed, with the blanket creased at his legs. The window was half opened and on its sill, there was another packet of his cigarettes. He _didn’t_ make it.

Walking over to the side of the bed, extremely exhausted and sleepy, Ciel looked the tall male over. He was wearing some sleeping pants and an undershirt, which seemed to be usual as home clothing. _How could he possibly be a bad person_? Ciel thought. _Maybe he is just broken._

Sighing, he closed the window and then took a place next to the man. Lying on the bed, Ciel brought the blanket closer since it was cold, and laid his head carefully on the pillow. He didn’t know if Sebastian won’t be mad about him staying and lying like this. But it would feel a little bit lonely and he didn’t know what to do.

Out of nowhere, Sebastian moved, without opening his eyes. When Ciel lied on his arm, he brought him forcibly closer. A very light sleeper he was. Ciel’s heart rate went crazy. And he wished he didn’t know why. Placing his head at Sebastian’s shoulder, he breathed in the smell of freshly washed hair. He didn’t know lying close to Sebastian would feel like this. Just as he didn’t know kissing him would feel like _that_. Who is he and why he tried so hard to get him? Ciel kept realizing again and again, that the unfamiliarity of the fact is what makes it so..so..right.


	9. Along the plan

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is more fluff than it was supposed to be. I hope you'll appreciate this update, though. No Jack tonight, ladies and gentlemen, our hero is apparently sick, lovesick, you can say. JK. Not him. Hah whatever, thank you all for reading and commenting, I enjoy this story when you do! <3

What time is it?

" **What time is it?!** " Ciel disentangled himself from the blanket clumsily, jumping out of the bed. Sebastian wasn't in the bedroom anymore. Ciel's body was captured in that mild morning hangover but with just enough sleep not to be sick. His stomach felt sour and empty, and his body rather stiff, which he all ignored in the rush. Vigorously he hurtled towards the kitchen, finding Sebastian composedly sitting at the table. His sight was seriously pinned to the screen. Towards Ciel; quite nonchalant.

His posture was straight and proper, clothing hasn't changed. There was a coffee on the table next to his laptop. Sebastian's elbows were leaned on the table, a tea spoon rested in his hand and he was holding it by his lips, out of absent concentration. There was a wrinkle between his eyebrows as he read the lines on the screen.

"You know I got to go to work!" Ciel told him in half shout as the first thing, panicking about the clock showing 9:20 AM. He started walking around and taking his things (but he didn't find many). "Do you even work yourself?" He complained. Sebastian hasn't looked away from the laptop yet. After a few rushed circles around the flat, Ciel was all dressed and went to the main door. "You don't even fucking care." He shouted towards the kitchen, not in the real angry way, but in resignation.

Sebastian stayed on spot, putting the spoon down. Casually he brought the cup of coffee to his mouth and took a sip. With the other hand he grasped the computer mouse, clicked once or twice and setting the cup down, eight of his fingers were placed on the keyboard.

Before he even started typing, Ciel came back to the kitchen door. He stood there with kind of an annoyed/embarrassed look. Without looking at him, Sebastian reached behind himself and brought an empty cup to the table, with a coffee pot right subsequently. Glancing up just briefly, he poured the coffee. The designer put his bag down to the threshold and slowly joined the male at the table.

"It's Saturday. Thanks for mentioning." He said ironically and took his served coffee. Sebastian finally lifted his head when Ciel realized, and gave him an amused, provocative smile.

The two of them shared the breakfast table, obviously not talking much but saying a lot in looks. Sebastian paid attention to his laptop once in a while, which Ciel compensated by checking applications and messages on his phone.

Sebastian left to the bathroom later. His nearly finished cup stayed on the table and surprisingly, his laptop remained opened - and unlocked. Ciel's breathing slowed down and his eyes curiously travelled around the computer. Sebastian is a mystery but he surely isn't stupid, it was obvious for Ciel to peek if he could. Yet, the curiosity wouldn't leave him calm. He turned around and knowing Sebastian probably knows, he hurried to the other side of the table to take a look. He wished he could stop time. He wished he could go through the desktop, documents and internet history in few brief seconds. It was understandable, anyone would do it. Having the opportunity to have a look into Sebastian's personal life.

What he saw first was a table in Excel with many data. He looked it through and also at the title, finding out it's some kind of accounting. It occurred to him it could have something in common with the night bar. Quickly clicking in the corner of the screen he got to the desktop, wondering about his wallpaper but the pattern was clearly abstract, in dark color. Nothing personal, no documents with attractive names and the icons were neutral. At the last moment he opened the internet browser and the only tab was a blank page with a single sentence written. "You really think I'll let you go through my personal shit?"

With a smile Sebastian came back and Ciel crawled away from the laptop. "I was curious. So what." He excused himself but Sebastian wasn't angry, maybe he was even flattered. After couple of minutes, Sebastian accompanied Ciel and they both reasonably spent Saturday on their own, doing own business.

* * *

The other night, Ciel dreamt about Sebastian. More accurately, he haunted him in a nightmare. Ciel didn't exactly remember the dream but he knew he was very anxious the night he woke up. He was sweated and it gave him a burdensome and suffocating feeling at his chest. Like his heart wasn't free to race.

Elizabeth was his only possible comfort, and to be honest, she really wasn't. He would feel stupid asking her to lie closer to him. It's been some time since she used to fall asleep in his arms. Bringing a shimmering feeling to his stomach, a realization came to him. He felt rather safe in Sebastian's arms. It was unacceptable and unbelievable to him, mainly because he was the very threat of his anxiety.

Confused by that, he decided to get up and swallow some pills. At the occasion he stared into the night street through a window. He felt like lacking something, he wasn't feeling complete. And that feeling, it got him melancholic. It brought tears in his eyes, reminding him his poor mental state. But then again, there's nothing like mental health in this world. He has decided for a short night walk outside.

Ciel lacked Sebastian, that's for sure. But more than he would like to admit. It's been again about few days since they saw each other and literally nothing made him happy. Sebastian seemed to want to torture Ciel and he was only just in progress of making that happen. Ciel wasn't depended enough to suffer, so he wasn't too afraid. Yet they both somehow saw it coming.

* * *

Elizabeth has left today for a couple of days. She is visiting her parents, as she said to Ciel, and he didn't especially mind. He refused the opportunity to join her, for many reasons.

He hasn't realized the place of his home will be even more abandoned and silent. And also that he will have even more time to think about Sebastian. He spent his spare time by drawing, reading or watching films. He attempted to cook but he gave up ordering takeouts most of the time. Occasionally he visited the gym.

Tonight, in the empty living room, he stared into the screen of his phone and continued deciding. He has written many text messages like " _I need to see you_ " or " _I miss you_ " but he has deleted them all without sending. It made him feel absolutely stupid and angry. Why isn't  _he_  texted to yet? Sebastian always had everything under his control so where is he now?

Maybe he's waiting too. Ciel wouldn't be surprised. He also wondered what would happen if he tried to call Sebastian. And in the end he thought he has nothing to lose. So he got up and started walking around the shaded room while dialing.

After about 10 seconds, the receiver declined the call. It could be expected. Now what? Ciel thought, looking at the screen. Fortunately, he received a text message shortly after.

" _Feeling lonely_?" It said. Just as if he knew. Ciel thought about what to answer, sitting down on the sofa. He felt agitated. He felt stalked. Insecure.

" _Please cut it out_." Was all he could say back. He was afraid.

" _I'm on my way_." Sebastian replied, making it easier for him. In that while Ciel's heartbeat speeded up in anticipation. Sebastian knew where he lived, and apparently he was ready to drive there anytime. Or it was just coincidence. Nevertheless, Ciel hurried to bedroom to take some decent clothing on. Not too decent of course, just a shirt instead of old t-shirt.

A black car stopped in front of his house in several minutes. Ciel didn't wait for any prompt, he saw it in the window so he took a jacket and shoes on and left the house. Sebastian hasn't even turned the engine off until Ciel was already sitting beside him.

"Hello, Sebastian." He greeted unusually, simply. Sebastian nodded at him in response. It was kind of unpredictable, it either might be a date with a greeting kiss or business-looking journey with a nod of the head. Which they chose. It was all too grotesque to be true.

It wasn't as late as it appeared. Only few minutes after 8 PM. People were still walking outside, wearing jackets, some scarfs, which waved behind them due to the mild wind. The sky was overcast. Somber, as always.

Many people from Chicago wished they would live somewhere warmer, even Ciel would think about moving at times. Upcoming Spring promised frequent rains and thunderstorms, from his own experience. He looked up at the sky through the front window, worrying about the clouded sky.

Calm beats played quietly from the car's stereo as usually. It will forever remind Ciel of Sebastian. He hasn't met anyone with such specific music taste, or anybody with similar one.

Ciel's eyes travelled within his field of vision in the moment of silence. The same subjects. Road and pavements, tattooed fingers wrapped around the steering wheel, black pants (heartbeat speeding at this point). In the end he stood out of the field and turned head lightly in Sebastian's direction.

He looked a little different today, Ciel observed. But nothing actually noticeable, it just gave him generally different impression. That face was still pale, but maybe he had slightly darker circles under eyes. Maybe his clothes wasn't so neat as usually, the shirt might have an extra crease there and there, like he didn't bother to iron it or choose a new one. He sat in a restless way, breathing gradually slowing down, like he just run and jumped in the car in hurry. His hair responded to that as well. At last, he seemed to have a one-day stubble; little visible if looking closely. He was very handsome, but he wasn't neat as he is for example in the community of the night bar. Almost, as if he wasn't prepared.

Ciel would like to ask questions, as usually. But instead of doing it, he leaned on the backrest and watched the front view. Sebastian felt his need to ask and communicate, yet he didn't do anything. Ciel couldn't believe how much he felt like talking to him, without even opening mouth.

So their drive ended at a known place. It was the building of the lounge bar. To mention, it was a tall building. After locking the car, Sebastian led inside. Ciel wasn't feeling like drinking today, to be honest. Neither he felt like talking to people, if that was Sebastian's image to get less lonely. He hesitated when they appeared at the entrance of the bar. There Sebastian actually stopped him, indicating not to follow him. Ciel furrowed his eyebrows and watched him aim in the side private door of the establishment.

Shortly after, Sebastian came to him, holding two wine glasses in one hand and a bottle in the second. Ciel swallowed dryly, being surprised at that. Even more he was, when the host proceeded to an elevator in the hall.

The floors were uncountable. The elevator music laughable. It actually sounded a little different than Sebastian's lounge, Ciel realized. He was almost about to laugh or ask. Both he suppressed.

At last, they reached the last floor. It looked empty, hall dark. The lights were automatically switched on when they went through it and reaching glazed door, they finally got to the destination. Ciel found himself on a terrace, facing the night city. Sebastian was truly unpredictable. He wanted to seem perfect, it was annoying – the way he looked back at him like he owned everything, at which Ciel had to shake his head. He never asked for this.

"You are unbelievable!" He said finally, he had to. On the tiled floor of the terrace, there were some tables and chairs with decoration plants and so on. It looked very nice, most probably belonging to an already closed expensive restaurant, which Sebastian must have hired out. He must be rich, Ciel thought.

Sebastian placed the wine bottle with glasses on the table near the railing. Phantomhive came closer and after Sebastian poured the white wine, Ciel sat down on the chair. They clinked the glasses out of formality. Alcohol was omnipresent with Sebastian, that was true, but Ciel was surprised he stuck with wine today. Was he drunk now? He didn't look like it, but you never know. He thought.

"You see, I don't get your point." Ciel started then, after first sips of the wine. "Why are you still trying to impress? Are we in a movie?" He laughed sarcastically. "This is ridiculous. You try so hard. Are you even real?" Sebastian laughed soundlessly at this too, leaning back with the glass as he was starting to get amused. He kept listening. "I wonder with how many people you do this. I don't believe you have so much money and influence to do this with many people, though. I know you so much, and you seem to know even more about me, and yet you never spoke a word. Is it just me? Do you speak  _ever?_ " Sebastian just leaned his head to the side, without giving an answer. "You make me so damn confused." Ciel's voice broke a little. He rather paused to take gulps of the drink, which wasn't of course the intended use of wine.

His companion could see the angst, and nobody could be sure if he enjoys it or actually feels sorry. One way or another, he pulled a phone out of his pocket at this moment. He set the glass on the table and paid attention to the touchscreen for a while. Ciel slowly furrowed his eyebrows, looking around in the silent tensed moment.

Then his own phone vibrated in the pocket. He looked up and then down, pulling it out. Sebastian wasn't holding the phone anymore as it was lying on the table. When Ciel read the sender, he gasped. The excitement gave him shivers and anticipant beats in his chest. He opened the text.

" _Do you trust me?_ " It said. Sebastian did know how to make Ciel pretty uneasy. After a glance up again and short hesitation, he replied by text.

" _No, not really. Why?_ " He sent off. Sebastian smiled after reading it, considering it as yes anyway. He stood up, taking his glass along with him. When he came to the railing at the edge of the terrace, Ciel followed him. Sebastian looked aside at him with trustworthy smile (at least he attempted) and since the railing was only high up to his waist, he actually crossed it. He got to the other side of it, where only one row of tiles edged the terrace. It was there probably because of the gutter under the railing. On the width, it was only big enough for one person to stand or sit.

When Ciel saw it, he stepped back in shock, actually intimidated. Suddenly a great fear of heights captured him, although he's never suffered from it. "No, no way, I'm not doing that." He said in pitched voice. Sebastian might be a bit disappointed but he didn't give up. He leaned palms on the railing and tilted head to the side again, raising brows. Ciel swallowed, keeping his distance. As another inducement, Sebastian reached out his hand.

"Sebastian, this is crazy." He said in worries. Sebastian only moved his fingers towards himself and back quickly, in gesture to come there. At last, Ciel stepped closer. He realized he's been close to death so many times that one more time won't kill him. Well, not literally.

Crossing the railing as well, he appeared at the edge beside the tall male and in shock he stuck the closest to the railing as he could, holding on it. "Oh my god" he panicked when looking down. It was very terrifying view. The street was tens of floors beneath them. On the other hand, Ciel thought Sebastian wasn't about to kill him when he has tried to hard to get him, moreover when he was the one calling him this time.

They sat down on the edge, legs hanging down freely, which made Ciel's face white from fear and his body shaking. Sebastian, though, without worries shifted close to him to feel his side, maybe to assure him. "Well," Ciel said in trembling voice, letting go of the railing. But with the move, his hand got across the glass beside him. Sebastian's reflects caught it immediately and when the glass was capsizing, he reached over Ciel, grasping the railing for support with one hand and caught the falling glass with the other. It would most probably kill someone if he happened to be passing the spot down on the street. Ciel gasped in the process, if not screamed, and wriggled himself further from the edge if possible. They both sighed in relief when the glass was put back down. Their sights met and they both laughed shortly and breathlessly. Ciel thanked him nervously.

After a while of watching the city, Ciel calmed down and settled a little. Sebastian decided to distract him and continue in conversation which Ciel definitely appreciates. So he took the phone, and wrote another message. Ciel opened it immediately in his own device.

" _I won't let you fall_." It said. It brought warming feeling to Ciel's heart.

" _Why don't you say it? Why won't you speak to me?_ " He replied, giving Sebastian a look.

" _Why do you have a girlfriend_?" It sounded as a stupid reply but he did have a real point. He knew about the state of their relationship and he understood the futility of it. It might sound as jealousness but Ciel knew it wasn't the case. It also indicated that he won't answer the previous question. It was vain question after vain question. Ciel understood that people do things they don't really have to, want to or at least don't want to share with others.

" _How does this make you feel?_ " Ciel asked after a while, switching method of questions beginning with 'why'. Sebastian smirked.

" _Aw, you want to talk about feelings?_ " He texted back. Ciel blushed at that and frowned at the mockery.

" _You brought wine to a terrace with panorama, what do you want to talk about, fucking hypocrite_." He reacted furiously. Sebastian nearly laughed.

" _You missed me, didn't you?_ " He typed.

" _Did_  you?" Ciel asked cautiously.

" _Of course_." It took Ciel aback, how honest the response was. Or at least he thought – wished, it was.

The wind was stronger this high and especially when a wave of it blew around, Ciel trembled in both, coldness and fear. Sebastian noticed, and he reacted so much unexpectedly for someone like him. Actually, it surprised himself too, when he wrapped his arm around Ciel's shoulders and tugged him closer. He felt him shake underneath.

It reminded Ciel what it feels like in his arms He realized what it doesn't feel like with Elizabeth. He remembered how unhappy he is. He sobbed, showing his weakness so unwillingly… He thought Sebastian would protect him. "It never felt like that with her." He suddenly said. The phone rested in his hands but he spoke. "She never understood why I'm depressed, why I'm irritated, why I fucking hate everything-" the last two words turned into cry. Sebastian didn't react compassionately but he listened with straight face, holding him still.

He didn't know why, but he talked to him about what he felt like, about everything. It reminded him of psychoanalysis. Sebastian wasn't the type to be a psychoanalyst, let alone psychologist, but he didn't mind him talking. They knew he probably wouldn't help but in a way, he already was.

Before he met Sebastian, he only occasionally fell apart, he was usually apathetic towards everything. Sometimes, he would break, yes, but just like anybody else would. However recently it was coming to him more frequently, and he knew he was diagnosed with depression. It was always with him, since his teenage years, and some months, it stroke brutally. He told Sebastian even about weeks in psychiatric hospital because of the depression disorder.

When the wine was finished, leaving Ciel mildly drunk, which probably couldn't be said about Sebastian, the place might get quite dangerous. Even the wind got colder and stronger, so Sebastian decided to head back. If Ciel was sober, he would feel embarrassed about crying in front of him, and he  _will_  regret. However now, he let Sebastian to guide him back to the elevator and in silence get back down to ground. He waited for him to return the glasses and then they got back to the car.

"Hey, Sebastian. Are you busy this night?" He asked in the car with head bowed. Sebastian looked at him and before turning the keys to start the car, he dropped the hand off it and took Ciel's chin instead. He lifted it and looked into his sparkling, recently teary eyes. He considered him so weak now.

He knew it was also his fault, that he was falling apart. Ciel will soon realize how much of an influence Sebastian has on his life. He will be realizing he can't be without him and that Sebastian is his drug. He will probably struggle with his feelings. He will doubt himself. That all was Sebastian's actual intention. Everything went along the plan. With a light smirk, he leaned towards Ciel and kissed his lips as a comfort. Ciel attacked his lips back without hesitation. It was beginning, the time when he can hardly go back. When Sebastian's touch will always be his only comfort. It was wickeder than he thought it was.

Sebastian took the steering wheel then, driving off. Ciel soon found out they're going to his place.

"Do you want to come in?" Ciel asked when they got there. It was an opportunity when Lizzy wasn't home, and Sebastian recognized it. He nodded and turned the engine off.


	10. A little bit like victory

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello there after some time. I'm sorry if it took to long to update but I actually worked really hard on improving the story. I've been thinking it all through and I also ended up writing a really bad chapter so I had to try to rewrite it and in the end I started over. Now it is better then before. So despite how the plot turns out, I hope you appreciate my effort, I really don't want this to suck. So please, enjoy another chapter, things are getting intense here! The fun in Unspoken is nearly over and I'm more than excited to show you what is going to happen next! Sebastian is slowly becoming a person. I bet you waited for it. Please do tell me your opinions and wait patiently, all will be explained and solved, heh~  
> Btw: I changed my username. Just because.

Ciel wasn’t hell of a cook. The social conventions (also the parental upbringing which he would constantly complain about) were telling him it was appropriate to prepare dinner for the guest. On the other hand, how hospitable should one be when inviting someone like Sebastian in, right? Considering that twice, Ciel realized Sebastian invited him for a meal, or at least a drink, countless times. So ordering a pizza or trying to cook pasta? Ciel in the end decided for pizza.

While Ciel was busy talking on the phone, Sebastian felt free to wander around the room and examine the furnishing and decoration, just like Ciel did at his place, except there was literally no decoration. Most of it looked like placed by a woman’s hand, though, so maybe it wouldn’t have been such difference. The guest’s hand carefully grasped every item he found interesting and looking at it from both sides he placed it back exactly where it was.

A certain thing in the room, although, deserved some more attention. Opening the (apparently unused, which was the thing that interested him) drawers, he found a little box that commonly attracted attention and curiosity at all times. And he truly found what he thought he would find, after briefly glancing in Ciel’s direction to stay discreet.

A diamond engagement ring was in the box, and there was no reason for Sebastian not to put it back and keep this for himself. Ciel would not want to talk about it. It was apparent he has failed to propose, there was no ring on his finger and Sebastian supposed he was either refused or changed his mind himself. It surprised him that he cared _so_ little that he left the ring lying in the old second drawer among no longer needed CDs, boxes and old electronics. What kind of a person Ciel was? The kind Sebastian was so fired up to know better.

When he went through other personal stuff on the other side of the room, Ciel finally noticed. He watched Sebastian choosing his sketch book from the various things on the table, such as books, magazines, all sort of pencils and pens, an empty mug and so on.

“They’re just my sketches.” The statement didn’t discourage Sebastian at all, quite contrary, he opened it and went through each one. “Really, don’t-“ Ciel said uncomfortably, walking there to take it from his hands. When he reached, Sebastian turned around smoothly, browsing on.

Ciel saw it coming; the guest stopped at a certain page, and slowly turned head back at him. The artist sighed and avoided the eye contact. “On my defense, I draw everything.” He retorted. The tall male lifted his eyebrows and smiling with satisfaction, he turned another page. It contained portraits, some architecture or nature, a little of animals and the rest abstract or made up. The style visibly changed by Ciel’s mood. Some of them were nearly positive, some were messy and dark. Including Sebastian’s portrait which would almost insult by its dark impression.

After dinner, to which Ciel switched the TV on to occupy themselves with something more than silence, Sebastian disappeared at the front porch to have a cigarette. Ciel followed him there, staring into the darkened street with him. Ciel took his antidepressants there, and Sebastian saw it. And Sebastian knew it.

From time to time, Sebastian would offer Ciel the opened pack of cigarettes, as if it could help him better. This time, Ciel accepted. He took one of the black cigarettes and Sebastian gladly ignited it for him. This kind wasn’t so aggressive to lungs so Ciel managed not to cough at it much.  Without commenting it, they stayed there for minutes. It soon began to rain as it was rainy period in Chicago but they were safe under the roof. Sebastian was out of cigarettes, they shared the last one of them.

Ciel was constantly confused by the possibility of Sebastian’s heart beating beside him. Yes, truly, he seemed like a robot to him very often, yet it was fantastic to realize he was a human being just like him. He does have feelings, he has thoughts and opinions on things and Ciel’s acts and words. He has fears and hopes, past and future, dreams at night. He does have strengths and weaknesses. It fascinated Ciel when thinking about it and tempted him to ask about all. All the facts about him he could have known. What makes Sebastian weak? What does he feel when he kisses Ciel?

The relationship was very strange. The two of them shared a shower and slept in Ciel’s and Lizzy’s bedroom. Ciel actually didn’t mind, he knew Elizabeth would do the same if having a lover. If she already doesn’t. They lacked much respect towards each other. And sleeping next to Sebastian looked nearly the same as when with Lizzy, but definitely felt different to him. Maybe it was the safety. The peace of it. Which must have been a false superficial illusion, wasn’t it Sebastian who caused him fall asleep in fear, after all? He was clearly not safe, yet he sacrificed everything to risk it.

And he was silly, thinking Sebastian would stay until morning. The guest’s bedside was left empty as soon as Ciel’s eyelids remained closed safely and his breathing became regular.

* * *

 

The calendar dated five weeks since their first meeting. The graphic designer was getting frustrated, sick and tired. The season started changing and not even occasional sun cheered him up. Sebastian was light and shadow in his life. He kept coming and leaving, it was indeed exhausting. Ciel sought for stability.

Ciel wished he had a psychologist, if only he didn’t despise all the doctors and specialists altogether. He wished he had a friend, if only he was a better friend material or if he inherited a little bit of that philanthropy. He wished he had any kind of family, maybe not being the day he said to his relatives and guests they are snobbish dirt under his feet and can all go to hell. Ah, Christmas 2010. He would remember in shame.

Or maybe, if only he had a soul mate, a lover, a companion. Well, soul mate has always been just a legend to him. Speaking of a lover and companion, yes, he had both, but who really made him happy? They both were annoying the hell out of him, Elizabeth only dully but Sebastian passionately. Perhaps the hatred towards him was the biggest attraction. Or maybe just the awoken curiosity within him.

Ultimately, he didn’t really wish for any of that. He just observed the subjects making people happy in general. ‘Love, friends, family, blah blah.’ Something like that, in his head. How he hated to be ordinary – how utterly boring it felt. On the other hand, the absurd common concept of the desire to be extraordinary among people was making him want to throw up too.

Returning to friends, he did have one, after all. While visiting the lounge or fitness with Sebastian, or staying over at one’s place, or sharing occasional walks, Ciel grew fond of his sister, who also showed up sometimes.

They exchanged the telephone numbers and even called each other sometimes. Ciel would have gotten to know her better but it seemed wherever he is, Sebastian is, and where Sebastian is, Meyrin is. He didn’t understand that well. He knew now they are siblings but he suspected there was more.

One Friday’s night, Sebastian wasn’t present at the event. Meyrin invited Ciel to spend a night together and he had no reason to refuse. Elizabeth was back in town by now, but that was no obstacle since she, anyways, spent the night with her friends. Or a lover. Ciel thought she suspected him of infidelity and he suspected her of defending herself by doing the same. Which was reasonable and it was bugging him too deep in his mind to do something about it. The love for her would have to be stronger than his interest in Sebastian. Or at least for it to be any love at all.

This time, Meyrin led Ciel to a regular bar. No lounge, no odd people. They walked in, surrounded by the reminiscent atmosphere, ordinary young adults and dance music. Almost unreal to him. Meyrin knew from the phone calls that Ciel has had problems at work lately, which only added to his major depression. This night, though, he tried to relax more as he was advised.

“Do you have a boyfriend?” Ciel asked his company at the bar, seemingly not truly interested. But that’s what everything sounded like from his mouth. He actually was interested in getting to know her. She was a little bit more open than her brother.

“Do you?” She asked him back with a smile, clearly just provoking and wanting to know his view on that matter. But they did have potential to get confidential.

“Well, no, but I have a hysterical woman living in my house and a ridiculously mysterious stalker behind my back. Do I triumph you?” He joked and took one of the shots they ordered.

“I fuck my dentist. You won.” She shrugged shoulders and Ciel smiled widely, entertained at whatever it was if truth or lie. They clinked the small glasses and drunk up.

They were having a great time, it was a positive change to speak to somebody freely, about anything. Meyrin fell for Ciel in every way possible, as for a person, for a friend or a brother. She loved both of the men differently. She had Ciel’s back and Sebastian had hers. But the problem was, Sebastian had everyone’s, and at the same time he held a knife under their neck.

She wished nothing but well to Ciel, she wanted him to understand Sebastian but on the other hand she was afraid to let him get closer. Not at all because she might even be jealous, she didn’t feel this way towards him, she was simply worried.

After a few shots of strong liquor they decided to have a dance on the floor. Such endorphin was all Ciel’s ever lacked. He was enthusiastic about seeing some men actually hitting on Meyrin because he’s always thought she looked kind of sad working for Sebastian. She never seemed to truly have fun or be free. Now she did.

Ciel also felt liberated without Sebastian’s supervision. He considered if having friends would be enough to be happier. About which he also asked Meyrin later.

“Do we really need him?” He said mindlessly on the floor. Meyrin’s face contained mixed emotions, which glinted on her face in the several color reflectors.

“Sweetheart we wouldn’t survive.” She assured him with a saddened smile. He asked why. At that she brought him closer and wrapped arms around his neck. She hugged him comfortably while still dancing, being the nearly same height as he was. “Don’t be naïve. He is a drug you can’t stop taking.” She was being very affectionate and persuasive. Also hopeless.

“Why?” Ciel asked in a pitched voice which disappeared in the sound waves of the fast loud music. The alcohol got him moody. She leaned to his ear and told him it’s not his fault. She could be very emphatic about this sensitive topic which Sebastian was. She could feel him starting to tremble. But she wasn’t shocked whatsoever. It’s always all she’s been talking about, this was a pretense. Ciel gained it unconsciously. He seemed happy but after one single note about the man he nearly falls apart in her arms.

Eventually she seated Ciel on one of the sofas and brought him a glass of water she got at the bar. He needed to calm down just a little. They were drunk but not enough to lose their minds. “Ciel, are you thinking about him?” She asked when he could be fully honest now. Despite that he just gave her a shrug of shoulders. He hated that she was right, it affected him deeply at the most unfortunate moment.

“Why are you so fucking obsessed with him?!” Ciel asked her back after a few moments, shaking his head.

“It- is complicated.” Was all she said as she was apparently taken aback.

“Typical, you are always complicated. You know what, I think I’m quitting this.” He said determinedly and got up from the sofa.

“Ciel wait- I have to tell you something.” She said softly and stood in his way. He asked her what it was impatiently. “Sebastian is-“ Ciel’s eyes widened at the moment, so she turned around. Sebastian was in fact standing right behind her. So she sighed and finished the sentence “-here.”

“Why?!” Ciel yelled. He was angry not only about him showing up all of a sudden again but also about his looks. He had a black eye and his lip was bruised, moreover it all looked fresh.

“I told him where we are-“ She started explaining and Ciel interrupted her to ask why again and it felt like the chains holding him back were tearing. “Because he asked and there is something important we need to deal with.” Ciel got confused about this, he didn’t even notice her texting Sebastian before, but apparently she did. And before he could do something, she stepped to Sebastian, leaning closer to say something emphatically which Ciel didn’t hear over the music. She looked upset too, so he watched the scene for a while.

He felt the adrenaline flowing in his body when he was given a serious look from Sebastian who was listening to his sister. Even before she stopped talking, Sebastian turned to her and yanked her by elbow to bring her further from Ciel. He leaned to her ear and pressed his lips on it. Then Ciel could see them moving. That left him standing stiffly and staring.

Sebastian pushed her away, turned around and walked the other direction, immediately getting lost in the crowd. Ciel’s blood boiled. “D-d-did he just talk to you?!”

Meyrin said Ciel’s name softly and she reached for his shoulder to comfort him but he flinched away. He was highly provoked. For a while, he was tensed, his head was hot and his knees were weak. He felt like killing.

“What’s wrong with you!” He shouted. He didn’t wait for Meyrin’s explanation. Furiously, he blasted off, faster than runners on a championship and he rushed at Sebastian, never looking so insane. He pushed all the people aside to nearly throw them down. He forced himself through the crowd and when he got close, Sebastian turned around, with just a spark glinting in his eyes before he was hurled down to the ground, harshly and mercilessly.

“Where do you think you’re going, you piece of shit!” Ciel started hysterically, the voice changing into a desperate tone. “Where did you go the other time? Where were you when I woke up?! What did you do now? Why are you here?!” At those sentences he had tears in his eyes and his lips quivered. Meanwhile, his hands were punching Sebastian in his face.

He continued shouting, no need to mention what. He was vulgar, he blamed him for anything he could remember, he said he’d beat the words out of him. There were so many expressions of hatred. He said whoever caused that to him did a ‘shitty’ job and that he deserved way more. He added on the red, he prettified his attractive face with more bruises. It didn’t matter who, but couple of people made effort to lift him off that man.

Everything around was spinning and the music was mad. The pitched noises, making the large loudspeakers nearly explode as well as his head. The voices of the people all around, it drove him so crazy he wished he would faint. Instead he hung in a mindless state and it wouldn’t end. It was a conscious mind paralysis.

While being lifted up, he was reaching for something within his range. Not being the people taking him away, Ciel would probably grab any glass of alcohol he would see and would have poured it on Sebastian’s bloody face or hit him with it. Instead he was led away by Meyrin, who persuaded the employees to take care of him before they could kick him out of the door. She didn’t worry that much about Sebastian, she knew he gets a lot of this and he can always manage such situations himself.

* * *

 

“How do you feel?” The young woman said in a caring voice. Ciel found himself on a bed, in a room, which was small and cozy.  It wasn’t his own. And it looked way better than Sebastian’s place. He didn’t remember going here but he refused the idea of falling asleep. Meyrin brought two mugs of tea to the bed and sat on a low chair next to it. He asked her what the hell was going on.

“You fell asleep in the taxi car.” She explained simply. He then asked where Sebastian was, while lifting himself up to sit. Meyrin didn’t know the answer. So for a while, they said nothing and sipped on their teas.

“I don’t know why it happened.” Ciel said when his mind was gradually getting free of alcohol. "I beat the shit out of him, will he kill me now?" He asked her seriously. Meyrin shook her head slowly, closing her eyes.

"Honey, he won’t kill you for breaking his face. He will kill you if you break his heart." She replied honestly.

“What are you talking about? He has no heart.” He joked but didn’t show any sign of amusement, neither Meyrin did.

“Ciel..this is getting a little bit serious. You are playing with fire. I don’t disapprove your actions but..” She tilted her head.

"Meyrin.” He said her name at which she lifted her head again.  “You think I’m capable of that?"

"I think you are. Thing is, nobody has ever done that. At least not this way. He’s not the type to get romantically involved.”

“Are we romantically involved?!” Ciel gasped, leaning on the wall, amused this time.

“Yes, of course, are you stupid?! And now that you’ve started the fight, you ought to be in advantage Ciel, darling, because otherwise you won't survive this game." She said as if she was begging him.

“Wait, what do you mean?” He asked in confusion.

"You know it well. You realized you are not his toy, and everybody has been expecting it to happen. So now, do manipulate him back, take the chance, own him. Now when he’s not ready to fight back yet."

Ciel stared at her in disbelief. "I don't think I can do that. Moreover why are you now against him? Aren't you on his side?”

"Actually, I'm on nobody's side. Sebastian gets what he deserves, he knows the boundaries and his rights. And by time, you find out he isn't as solid as he seems and he too, is vulnerable."

"I know that.” Ciel stated.

"Good, but you unfortunately joined this head down and you have one great disadvantage which will make it very hard for you."

"Which is?" He raises eyebrows.

"You're so in love with him.."

He was speechless for a while, not quite believing that at first. Then he asked rhetorically:

"Am I?"

"Oh yes." She said in certain tone. Then there was another moment of silence. Ciel couldn’t receive the fact, although he has probably already known that. He didn’t want to be foolish now and deny what was obvious. Apparently, he hurt the person he is in love with. And why? Because he cared too much.

“Meyrin.. He talked to you.” He pronounced when the image kept repeating in his mind; his lips at her ear, moving and her expression changing at the things he said. Things, he said. Ciel’s head spun and the anger would gladly reappear.

“He did.” She confessed, nodding her head. She could see Ciel’s despair and it was literally tormenting her. “I cannot tell you.” She whispered. He whispered back: “Why?”

Then Meyrin stood up without word. Ciel watched her walk to the other side of the room while he took a sip on the beverage. The woman reached for a book in her bookshelf. The top shelf, rather thin, ordinary book. Out of it, though, she pulled something. A piece of paper seemingly.

With it, she came back to her bed, which Ciel was currently sitting at. Gently she took the mug from his hands in case he would get upset, and she looked into his eyes.

“Sebastian” she paused “is a sociopath.” She said straightforwardly, nearly bravely. Her guest was fully in attention as she captivated him by the first sentence. “But that is not his fault. He did not choose to be like this.” She informed him and it started to make Ciel feel insecure. “I am not allowed to do this but I saw myself doing it sooner or later. Ciel, I don’t want you to ask many questions, I can’t tell you, I just want you to have this, and please, keep it safe.” And at that, she handed him an old but colored photography. Ciel’s breath became shallower when looking at it closely.

On the photo, there were five men standing. A group of friends, seemingly. The four men looked like being about their thirties or forties, and the one in the middle was tall but he appeared much younger. Strangely, he had a black mask over his mouth, but the photo didn’t look too serious. They simply appeared quite cheerful. Although, the boy in the middle was the only one who was well visible on the photography. All four men by his sides were crossed by a red marker. This awoke mixed emotions within Ciel. He wanted to ask what it was supposed to mean, if only Meyrin didn’t ask him not to.

“This is Sebastian.” He stated, glancing up at her. She nodded to agree with the presumption.

“And the photo used to be his.” She added. This honestly startled Ciel. This was something personal and clearly wasn’t supposed to be in his hands now. “It is ten years old.” She continued. “If you really mean it and want to stay involved in this, you have to find out yourself. I can only undergo the risk of giving you clues.”

Ciel knew he was a doomed phlegmatic and coward to think about this before but she was right in the end, he did want to know more. So far, he was satisfied with Sebastian being mute and himself being blind. But little did he know this could never last long and honestly, they were heading for their downfall.

“Can I only have..two questions?” Ciel said, at which Meyrin nodded eventually. “Who bashed him before?” He asked because he knew she knew.

“Sebastian has debts.” Was all she could say about it. Ciel immediately got out of the bed as he couldn’t sit on one spot anymore.

“Oh God, and now the most important, why, why won’t he talk to me?!” He asked impatiently, turning at her. He was afraid of not hearing the answer.

“You know what?” She said in the end, laughing shortly with a shrug of her shoulders. “I don’t even know!” She answered. “Ever since we came to the city, Sebastian was experimenting, you became the target, but you want to know something? He screwed up, no, he truly did fuck up his own game and he can’t see ahead of his own plan anymore. That’s it, he is improvising and you Ciel, are changing every of his moves.  That damn jerk didn’t expect to have feelings for you!” She laughed some more, which changed into actual laughing. “Yes, what an idiot, oh don’t you see how close you got?” She smiled. “Get out Ciel, we all fucked it up.” Resigning, she waved her hand and went in kitchen.

Ciel’s heart raced and he was so glad for that. Anything that could make the frozen organ keep going was incredible to him. He felt excited about this. He was terrified and anxious. He knew he is, too, in trouble. But how close can he get, what can he find out and how much does he actually affect Sebastian? Ciel felt a little bit like winning. But on the other hand, he didn’t care for victory so much because he would, in the end, let Sebastian win if he had to.

 

 


	11. Slut for drama

11: Slut for drama

16:30 PM

Chicago once again showed the best of itself. The thunderstorm danced at the foggy grey sky. A flash after flash, drop after drop. The rain came drumming at the shabby glass of windows until it was opened and the furious cold wind invaded one’s stuffy room.

Sounds of these drops hitting his window melted into the sound of the loud music. One would think he lives in chaos. Someone would go crazy. For Sebastian it was harmony.

Order was lost in the tight dark spaces of so-called bedroom. The lightening was dangerously close but he feared too few things anymore. In fact, he also loved very few things and one of them was heavy rain.

The shirtless figure stood in front of the window and rose head up to the sky. A glass of whiskey rested in his hand and he took a gulp. It was his siesta. With a glass there comes a cigarette.

But he’s out of Daniel’s. It’s okay. He watched the drops and searched for his own humility. Did he still have any conscience at all? What has he done and where is he even heading? Is the deal with Phantomhive real? Because Sebastian, in fact, hadn’t realized he’s sunk so deep into this. He hadn’t known he could truly influence him.

Maybe he’s watching the same rain, from the same sky right now and what is he thinking about? The sociopathic lover wished he would never have to be sane and sober. He truly hated to perceive the world around him, the weight was heavy even for someone like him. So flash and light, inhale and exhale.

What has he done?

\--

Lazy afternoon. Ciel’s found inspiration in the vanity and blackness of his mind space. Behind his window, too, there was a rainstorm. He sat beside it on the window sill in living room of his house. A sketch book rested on his lifted thighs as he was crouched there like a forgotten bird with a broken wing. Although his wounds were invisible, to him perhaps even undisclosed. It was Sebastian’s nose that was broken. Or a jaw, eye? Ciel didn’t remember anymore as he had been in the flashes of rage. He didn’t wish to think about him, not about what he’s done, what he is or what he used to be, just not at all. His eyes flickered from the white paper to the grey, grey sky. He sighed, sketching on, something vague.

That day, 10:00 AM

Ciel rang on the bell, nervously jumping about in front of the scruffy door. The equally scruffy voice sounded from the speaker. Ciel introduced himself unsurely but it was followed by “oh” and “well, of course, Ciel!” and buzzing of the door open.

“How did we deserve your precious little visit, darling?” The familiar girl, Gia, asked at the door when he conquered the four floors. Breathless he looked up and shook his head. Sometimes she acted just like Mey.

Ciel meant to ask if she’s high but again, that was just her behavior, he guessed. “Hello, Gia, long time no see. I’m well, it’s a bit complicated-“

“Fantastic, come in.” She said as he would start to stutter and fumble for words. He thanked quietly and stepped in the smoky but snug room. Ciel spotted a guy spread on an armchair with his head leaned back, mouth opened and seemingly sleeping deep, if not dead. He didn’t recognize him from the last time he was here.

“I don’t want to talk into your lifestyle, but do you ever open windows?” Ciel noted, covering his nose, and his eyes nearly watered from the stuffy air. Gia considered it a good idea and did him a favor by opening one. Then she offered Ciel a beverage and a seat.

“What’s troubling you, then?” She asked, sitting opposite of him after putting two glasses of coke on the table.

“Thing is, I came to ask for a form of help.” He started, leaning elbows on his knees and then glanced at the sleeping guy who was just randomly there with them. Gia assured him he’s so hung-over that he won’t wake up by anything. “I know you know something about Sebastian.” He said straightforwardly.

“Ohh. So this is your deal. May I ask why?” She asked and raised eyebrows.

“Because he’s messing with me and I don’t know what I’m in. I don’t know if I should let him continue. And I’m curious.” It was a bit hard to admit but he was.

“You know what you’re in. Trouble.” She smiled. “No, I mean, he’s a great person but he’s weirdo, everyone knows. If I were you, I’d stay away. I mean – you fuck him? That’s okay. Everyone fucks him. But nobody, I’m telling you, nobody dares to consider him as anything but a sexual object.”

“E-everyone? Sexual what?” Ciel leaned back in the chair, laughing shortly in an exhale because he couldn’t believe she said that. “Did you?” He asked.

“Fuck him?” She replied and he nodded. He looked damn serious until it _almost_ made her laugh. “I’m not a gold star but I’m a lesbian and I’d never fuck that devil. I won’t feed his ego even more.” 

This comforted Ciel slightly and yet he thought there is something wrong with Sebastian being called a ‘sexual object’. He might look like that but wasn’t it him who brought arm around him when they were sitting on the top of that building or who drove him home, or who..but how is that all not just an act? He thought. And he felt hopeless repeating the thoughts all over every time.

“Sebastian is a liar, right?” He asked with head tilted. “Therefore you don’t know which things in the game we played were correct. And he probably didn’t tell you much, did he?” He wondered.

“Oh but he did. This masquerade of his begun like month ago or something. He talked shit all the time.” She said just by the way as she got up and aimed to the kitchen. Behind her back, a loud shatter of glass sounded. She turned her head back and the eyes of the sleeping drunkard opened.

“Did anyone talk about that bastard?” Was the first thing the guy said. Ciel stood up too.

“What is this supposed to mean!” The guest shouted.

“You know him well, right? When you see him next time, tell him that if he doesn’t give the money back, he won’t get away just with a black eye!” At last, the man swung up from the chair and tried to threaten Ciel with his index finger.

“Calm down, Stuart, it’s not Ciel’s fault.” Gia kept her head cool.

“It was _you_ who beat him up the other time??” Ciel stepped closer and held the tone at the same frequency and volume.

“That douchebag has money and insolence to pay lap dances in a fucking strip club but apparently doesn’t worry about his debts. “ Stuart cared to explain and both of the men folded arms at their chest which Gia shook head at and started to wash up.

“I thought he’s rich.” Ciel felt like half defending Sebastian and half helping the man to kill him.

“He spends more than raises, who do you think gave him and that redhead whore the capital when they moved here?! He wasn’t as financially smart as he looked and I recommend him to get his shit together!”

This is actually what Ciel came for. Information. And he believed he had quite enough. Maybe enough to take at once.

“Don’t. Call. Meyrin a whore.” The guest returned him the threat by his finger and then turned right around. “Thanks for help, Gia!” Out of politeness he shouted at her when leaving and then smashed the door closed. There was adrenaline increased in his body, having another glass in hand, he would smash it against wall instead of dropping it.

* * *

Next several days, Ciel realized his life is even more out of control than he thought.

“What do you mean I don’t do my job?!” Ciel whined into the telephone.

“It doesn’t have to be permanent, Mr. Phantomhive. We recommend giving yourself some time and making order in your priorities. Don’t worry, you have right for the redundancy payment.” The manager explained. When the call ended, Ciel dropped his phone and leaned on the backrest of his chair. Everything was ruined.

The sketchbooks, pencils and pens, papers, electronics, books and a bottle – everything was hurled down from his table’s surface with Ciel swearing shortly.

His woman came to the room and leaned calmly on the door frame. “I talked to a psychiatrist.” She told him.

“I don’t _need_ a fucking shrink!” He retorted immediately. But he didn’t really believe it himself anymore.

“You haven’t talked to anybody for a long time.” Which was partly true as Sebastian didn’t actually talk and it drove Ciel crazy.

“You don’t care about me, woman! You just want to keep living in my house, like you didn’t already have anyone else!” He replied at her still composed face.

“Look at yourself before you talk. Now, your house is not such an achievement when you just got it from your parents. They were right all along.” She shrugged shoulders, provoking on. “They should have watched over you going to your therapist. What will you do now without money?”

Ciel inhaled sharply and went to her. She would almost flinch in worry he would hit her. But in the end, even Ciel stayed by his morals and he got away just with a strict look into her eyes.

\--

“Hi, Mey, you said you’re here for me if I feel shitty or want to do something stupid, right?” Ciel said after dialing a number and already walking out of the house.

“Sure thing, what of those it is?” She replied.

“Both, somehow. Hey, I know it sounds dramatic but I feel betrayed by everything possible and I need to go somewhere I haven’t been to.”

“I’m slut for drama! Let’s hit the gay bar then!” She giggled.

“How the hell did you know?” He asked in surprise.

“Where else would you want to go? You seem broken; broken virgins like you go to bars-

“I’m not a vir-“ he tried to interrupt.

“-you can’t go to Lounge and you are fed up with girls because your girl is a bitch. Settled.”

As it was still soon for the bar, Ciel headed to the gym building first to quit his membership. For many reasons. He couldn’t afford it. He had no reason to go there whatsoever. He didn’t wish to meet Sebastian there. It brought him bad memories.

Later, he was picked by a black car. It shocked him at first, made his heart skip a beat since he recognized the car model.

“Yoo, guess who stole Sebastian’s car!” Meyrin in sunglasses (which was just for the effect as it was cloudy anyway) got out of the car and flashed Ciel a smile. He laughed at that and shook his head.

“Wicked!” He replied and got in the car. The interior smelled pretty much like Sebastian. The deja-vu was deadly to Ciel but he suppressed the feeling. He asked his friend is she knew any gay bars but she said she has planned all.

Now, when Ciel was free to explore anything he wanted, he opened the front storage in the car dashboard and pulled things out of it. He found several CDs, lost cigarettes, two lighters, a map and a packing of mints. Obviously he allowed himself to take one.

Then he looked in the pocket in the door, where he surprisingly found a book. He pulled it out and read the title out loud. “The Road Back? What? Sebastian reads? That’s not very likely.” He laughed shortly.

“Yes, actually.” Meyrin surprised him. “He, he is catching up with his education.” Ciel furrowed eyebrows and put it back. Meyrin sounded unsure when informing him about this. Perhaps it was another sensitive fact about his past. Sometimes it seemed like Sebastian really worked on self-development. Ciel admired it more than he would admit.

 “We’re at the place.” She announced. By now it was dark outside. They exited the car and the girl led to a club/bar that was intentionally for men but women were allowed as well.

“So what’s going on in your head?” She asked Ciel when they took a seat.

“I wish nothing was.” He said. The waiter brought them menu soon after, so they could choose. “I don’t even know why we’re here, I don’t think I’m..”

“Doesn’t matter.” She completed. “Just do what you feel like doing. If you don’t feel any attraction towards men, it’s okay. I just wouldn’t think so hard about it.” She tried to ease it for him so he gave her a light smile and then started choosing a beverage. Meyrin decided for a cocktail and Ciel went, in the end, with a simple beer. Not that he fancied it a lot. Not that he fancied anything a lot.

“I heard Sebastian was in a strip club.” He said as if he was disappointed. But somehow he knew this calling for help would be useless.

“What do you expect from him? He didn’t give you a ring. Besides, do you really want to talk about him and get attached like a little bitch?” She kicked him with her foot so he lifted head and laughed a bit sadly. He admitted she’s right.

Long story short, they talked and drunk like they always do. Ciel knew life is not a movie and he didn’t have any illusions about it. He didn’t believe in eternal love, love at the first sights, nor epic one night stands. Yet Sebastian was almost like a movie, hard not to get attached to such excitement.

“What’s up?”

Resounded. Ciel furrowed his eyebrows. Meyrin was at restrooms. Ciel looked up and saw a handsome male. He truly didn’t know how he felt about it. As already said, Ciel’s weakness was beauty. But that isn’t so much relevant.

“What’s..up.” Ciel just repeated as he sucked completely at social conventions. He didn’t know if it was a real question or just a greeting. Maybe he was also a sociopath. He laughed in his head at that.

“What about something more fancy?” The guy jerked his head at the nearly finished pint. Ciel had no idea what to do, he looked around for help and eventually saw Meyrin returning from the other side of the room. She only saw he’s talking to someone so she automatically nodded several times. Almost enthusiastically.

“Okay.” He shrugged shoulders and stood up.

“You looked downcast.” Ciel sighed because he’s been hearing this his whole life. What is he supposed to say anymore? ‘I’m mentally ill.’  ‘I suffer from depression since I’m 15.’  ‘I’m tired of the world.’ ‘The circumstances have led me to an absolute hopelessness and mental exhaustion.’

“Dunno, I’m Pisces.” He said in the end. The guy laughed at that. Speaking of zodiac sign, Ciel realized his birthday is coming soon. But he didn’t like to celebrate. Although, cake…

“Ah, Pisces. You must be very sensitive. Creative, lazy. You need a person to dominate you. You’re escapist, you probably like to run into another world.” He smiled but Ciel was truly horrified at that accurate description. Like he hasn’t been paranoid enough yet.

“What are you, a prophetess?” He raised eyebrows and folded his arms distrustfully.

“Haha, no, I used to be keen on astrology. I like estimating people’s characters.”

“That’s gay.” Ciel smirked lightly.

“I’m sorry, I better pack myself and run where I belong.” They both smiled and they both answered at the same time:

“Gay bar.”

“Hell.” Was Ciel’s version. They both laughed at that. It would actually be offensive if Ciel didn’t role play a homosexual. Not that he did, he called it exploring. Or being open-minded, whatever they chose.

They actually seemed to have a good time talking. They moved to the bar to pick a better drink but just before that, someone tugged at Ciel’s shirt from behind. When he turned around, Meyrin was freaking out, dragging him away.

“What, what-“ He said, actually bothered right now.

“Fuck, dude, I don’t know how but- look, look there!” She pointed her finger, inconspicuously as possible.

“What-oh.” Ciel sighed. “What the hell is he doing here?!”

“An ex? Too bad, you will probably be emotional about it.” The friend from earlier peeked from behind Ciel’s shoulder and made shiver run down his spine at hearing ‘ex’.

None of them knew what to do. They all were watching Sebastian who somehow appeared near the dancing stage with a drink in his hand.

“Excuse us.” Meyrin said and dragged Ciel away, to hide, preferably.

“I can’t believe this.” The male shook his head.

“I’m stupid. I just realized. Sebastian can track his own car. I’m so sorry, Ciel.” She regretted. “Should we get out?”

But Ciel wanted to wait just a while more. He is sure that Sebastian is an excellent stalker, but what does he really want here? He looked fit for that he was beaten up. But of course, he’s always fresh. Smooth jackass.

Meyrin leaned her elbows on the tall table and watched her brother from behind the crowd. Ciel was walking around for a while but in the end he sat on the stool to watch too. This went on for a while. Sebastian probably knew about them.

They were sure he did, when he (after laughing at something someone told him and then clinking their glasses) raised head and looked them both in the eyes. Meyrin used the chance and mouthed “What the fuck are you doing here” at him, with a frown.

Firstly, Sebastian glanced behind him. Several people were dancing on the stage. The music was loud and rhythmic.  He flamed and he hated to be fucked with. So just two moves: he put the glass down and raised his middle finger at both of them. Just that parted him from getting up at the stage and drag the first man out of them, who looked relatively desperate. Maybe he’s watched him for a while to know that.

Sebastian could be anything but he was a dazzling dancer. Ciel’s eyes were pinned at the scene. He suffered of the truth that this man undeniably attracted him in every way possible. Once again, this was truly wicked. _You must be very sensitive._ He remembered as he had been told before. He’s never thought about it like this. He considered himself highly phlegmatic. But never mind, his eyes widened then.

Sebastian brought the man closer and after a few mere moments of dancing, his devilish lips occupied the drunk mouth of the other. It was utterly filthy and Ciel felt once more, broken. Meyrin put a hand on his shoulder. Slowly she meant to turn him around. The last thing Ciel wanted was to cry. This is not high school, he kept telling himself.

“We provoked him, he’s really revengeful!” Meyrin tried to explain when they were leaving the bar. She grabbed Ciel’s shoulders outside, making him face her. “He’s stubborn narcissist and he’s the most revengeful person I’ve ever met. He’s jealous because you spend time with me, because he’s afraid he will lose us both.”

“So he can lose me, I don’t pity him, it’s his fault!” He retorted back.

“So screw him! Look at who he is, I can’t leave but you still can! Maybe you should just stay away from him!”  She shouted as he was turned around and made a step forward. Right there he stopped and when he turned around, he had tears in his eyes.

“But I love him.” And then he collapsed on his knees.

 


	12. Soulmate

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! So we're at 12th chapter, about or behind half of the story. I want to thank ALL of you for being such amazing readers! It makes me happy to keep you interested. If you comment/review or have any questions, I'll gladly answer you, concerning anything. I love your responds! And as a person keen on psychology (and psychiatry) I enjoy psychoanalyzing the characters with you, because I think about their personality a lot, and this helps me understand them even better, as well as you can. The story is getting a bit complicated sometimes, mainly when I don't work on it for some time, but I try to develop it perfectly with everything included - and also love to hear your head cannons which I may sometimes even fit in my plan. It's wonderful what this story has been through, I've planned it for years..I'm happy to see it quite succesful!
> 
> This chapter is so much different than planned. I always improvize and something weird happens and I'm like, no, this wasn't in the plan how am I supposed to work with it?? xD but be it. Main is, that the chapter is done. I hope you will enjoy guys!

12: Soulmate

_Two years ago_

_"I'm quite...I'm satisfied." ... "But I'm not oozing happiness, doctor."_

_"It's good. Many people don't realize this. You are realizing your life could be happier, more excitig, giving you more."_

_"Yes, that's it. Life doesn't fill me up. It's plain. I feel empty."_

_"You don't use a quarter of what life is bringing you, do you?"_

_"I'm...tired. I've given up trying to get more out of it."_

_"You are not tired. You are 22, you are just depressed and lazy."_

_"I know-hey, what kind of an psychoanalyst are you?" He asked with an eased laugh._

_"An honest one. I'm sorry Ciel, I don't want to lower your self-esteem even more but we've been through over thirty sessions and I remember you asking me to dig in your head properly and serve it to you.”_

_Ciel laughed in a pause and nodded several times, muttering “yeah, yeah I did.”_

_“So then maybe you just need to find something to complete you.”_

_“But how? There’s nothing-…”He was giving up again._

_“There always is.” She leaned forward in the armchair and gave Ciel a sincere look.” Surround yourself with things, people,  that make you happy.”_

_“Doctor, do you believe in soulmates?...”_

\--

_Present day_

“I just wanted to be happy.” Tears streamed out of his eyes, Meyrin was out of tissues.

“There, there, oh Ciel, quiet, you’re like a child.” She tried to console him, seeing that guy is apparently going through his first real heart break.

“Sebastian was making me happy-” he sobbed, crumpling the soaked tissue in his hands “I thought this is good for me. I thought I meant just something- something to him-”

“Okay, quit the fucking _blubbering_!” She whacked him hard over that red face of his as her patience run out. He raised head, making puppy eyes at her before he frowned and reached his hand for the car door handle and opened it swiftly.

So far they haven’t left the place; Meyrin only dragged Ciel to the parked car. Ciel realized he’s not willing to drive _his_ car. The sister followed him out, luckily doing so, before Ciel lost it and smashed the passenger’s window with fist.

“Are you mental?? He will kill you!” She freaked out and tried to follow him.

“Yes, yes, he will. Because he’s a psycho, he will kill me, and you, and everyone who doesn’t comply with his sick ideas!” He shouted before turning around and walking quickly on.

“Ciel, no—“

He run off. He trembled. He didn’t know where to go. He didn’t have home. Being in the house with Elizabeth felt cold, he never really felt like home. He felt even worse with his parents. Actually, he never felt like he belonged, but he thought that’s problem of many people, he’s not the only one; he’s not that special. He knew.

And who would really care if he was gone. His steps slowed down after a while. His breath got shallow. His warm heart raced. Tears vanished from his face. The Sun sets quite late but now it was long gone. No single star was at the sky. He has still been feeling empty.

A bridge crossed his way as if the fate appeared right in front of him but unconsciously Ciel knew he has chosen this path because he meant to get here. He has been here several times already, with the same thought.

Something always prevented him from doing it. Sitting here at this very spot on the bridge, he always thought he feels the worst of all times. He always thought this time he is going to do it. Admitting to himself eventually, he wished he was rescued. And his head would turn back when he smelled smoke and he thought he’s coming to save him. But he wasn’t. And neither Meyrin was and nobody called. And everybody walked past him. At least the very few people that were still outside.

It wasn’t freezing anymore but he was cold. He took his glasses off, put them beside him and rubbed his tired, wet eyes. For a while he stared at the blurred image of the black river. He pondered about the probability of the jump actually killing him. In the end he considered it improbable. _What am I playing at…_

He knew he is weak anyway. He stayed dozens of minutes. Perhaps he could jump under a taxi, for the next thought. The ways of suicide weren’t so easy but he’s thought about all of them oh so many times. It was a broad selection. But coming across a decision, he chose the most masochistic and painful one. The most wrong and possibly the longest.

He dialed Sebastian’s number, on his phone running 5% out of battery. Ciel thought he and the phone are connected, he felt the same. 5% out of battery.

Every of the beeps felt like an hour. An hour more of Ciel hating himself for doing this. He’s run away from Sebastian and comes back within blink of an eye, before even giving Sebastian a chance to start wanting to get him back. But _would he?_

This might be the last call for help and Ciel didn’t care anymore. He admitted he was pathetic but such situations require the most pathetic solution, which sometimes, rarely, does work. And if Sebastian was fond of Ciel’s dignity, he wouldn’t have stayed until now. If of course, this could be considered as _staying._

\-- a rustle on the other side of the line resounded. Ciel’s heartbeat started drumming so loud he could almost hear it. The click, the noise happened but no words came out. Out of neither of them. Ciel’s mouth hung open but he couldn’t force himself to decide what to say. What he wants, why he’s calling, why he isn’t done with Sebastian yet.

The other side of the line waited.

A first thing to sound was Ciel’s gasp. He put down his shaking hand with the phone and looked at the screen counting 24 seconds of the call. Then he put it back to his ear. “Forget it.” He said in a thin voice on the edge of a cry. He hung up again.

He stood up. A wave of wind came across as if encouraging him to meet the water level. The cold hand was loosening its grip. And right before he dropped it in the water, the device buzzed. With teary eyes Ciel couldn’t resist and peeked at the screen. Blinking eyes to see better, he read the simple sentence.

_“Im listening.”_

Really? Was he really worth just a text message? Of an ‘im’? Ciel was nearly not able to blame him, he’s noticed Sebastian’s grammar has always sucked ass. He couldn’t decide if he was so illiterate or just didn’t care. But he runs business, he reads books, he’s clever. He decided Sebastian just strongly doesn’t give a damn. Or he typed fast. No excuse.

Ciel gave that some hesitation. It’s way too late to _listen_. Nearly grinding the phone, he eventually sat down again, and he dialed the number once more. The same situation happened. Except Ciel finally made himself speak up.

“Who do you think you are?” Little did Sebastian know he’s going to hear a lecture. He didn’t seem to mind much. “Why are you playing at something you’re not? How many lives do you live?” He started, sobbing once and wiping his nose by a sleeve. “I mean, I did everything you wanted, _everything._ Why isn’t it enough? Why don’t you just tell me what you want? I can’t anymore, Sebastian…” He paused. He listened intently and could hear a breath taken in.

“You think you know me so well but you- if you knew and cared…” He started crying again by now. He was out of words. He didn’t know what to tell him because he felt like every word he’s ever spoken went right through him. There is no way to get closer to him. It was breaking his heart again and again to realize he won’t wake those feelings and emotions and words within Sebastian. And so he just cried. He was listened as he cried.

It was about five minutes. Sebastian’s determination being endless as he never let out a word. He drove Ciel crazy. “I will jump if you don’t say anything.” He said then out in the silence.

He stood up and he gave him some time. Vainly. And then Ciel finally hung up. He scared himself more than he meant to scare Sebastian, he threatened himself and suddenly he wasn’t ready. But how else would he prove Sebastian what a big mistake he’s made?

How much did he really think Sebastian would speak up? It was so stupid to do. Despite not being ready, he didn’t know what else to do. Standing still and staring for a while, he made a small step forward before nearly having a stroke.

Arms firmly grabbed his hips from behind and falling unexpectedly he appeared on the other, safe, side of the bridge. His knees were so weak he couldn’t even stand on his own and the shock was so big he couldn’t put two and two together. So he just found himself hanging in armful of his rescuer. Next thing he knows is that some sort of a tissue is pressed onto his face and he moans mutely in confusion but then, somehow, everything disappears and he becomes limp in Sebastian’s hands.

The male woke up to a faint sound of engine. And a quiet music. Pleasant warm environment caused by the heating and an extra coat wrapped around Ciel’s stiffened body. It was a cold, dark night outside. The road was bumpy for a few seconds, which was probably the real reason to wake him up.

His eyes were weary, his vision blurred without his glasses. But what he saw was a hand on a steering wheel. Sebastian. The tattoos were there too, on the slim fingers. The hand let go of the wheel and shifted to the right, reaching for something. Ciel’s eyes traced the movement dizzily. In the end it was just a bottle of water, from which the driver took a drink. _How human-like_ , Ciel wondered. It’s been some time he thought of Sebastian as a person.

But then a package of emotions rushed through him. Anger, happiness, disappointment, surprise, _anger_. Love.

He rustled on the backseats when lifting himself to his elbow. He was lying horizontally on the seats in the back. He’s never sat there before. He looked up and around the car, noticing the passenger seat’s window was filled with some cardboard, bordered with a duct-tape. A corner of his lips lifted because damn revenge was sweet. Ciel wondered if Sebastian would pick him or this car, if he had to.

For a brief moment an idea popped up in his mind when he cared to think about what the hell he’s doing here and why he was asleep.  Maybe Sebastian is driving him somewhere to kill him. _Okay, GENIUS,_ why would he do that when he was about to commit suicide and so Sebastian would get rid of him and wouldn’t even have to cover it with complications. Maybe he wanted to have the satisfaction of doing it himself. Would he torture him? And then blame Ciel’s depression when his ribs were split and Ciel’s heart eaten. Okay, whatever, he thought.

Sebastian must have known Ciel is awake. Perhaps he was expecting questions he was looking forward not to answer, same old, Ciel knew. His heart beat rapidly with thrill, fear and excitement.. Everything’s happened so fast.

Ciel didn’t know this one thing every person in love or with broken heart should know. That is they should _never_ seek for help at the person who broke them. It feels good but it will never heal them. It’s like trying to heal burns with a lighter. It sounds stupid as a metaphor but it’s just as stupid as hoping for rescue at someone like Sebastian. But maybe not so much. Sebastian, in the end, wasn’t the one who broke him. Ciel’s already attempted suicides before, Sebastian was just another reason to get him in such mood, it was just about the situation. There’s still hope.

He finally sat up, feeling his head spin. The radio was playing some soft beats which wasn’t surprising. Sebastian only wore a long sleeved T-shirt (really, not a shirt) and in fact, it was dark grey and not black. It suited him nevertheless. Ciel was warm so he dropped both of the coats he wore, supposing there was real cold before.

“So…I see you’re kidnapping me. I knew it would come sooner or later.” Ciel decided to start leisurely, avoiding questions. He met Sebastian’s look in the front driver’s mirror. Those eyes melted his heart and if Sebastian was to kidnap him before they met, he would have Stockholm syndrome by about…now.

But he knew his intentions weren’t right and as much as he would love to get out of the city, he didn’t want to get away with Sebastian, not if he had to die to prove the point, he was hurt and he didn’t trust Sebastian. “I don’t care where we are going but I want to go back. I don’t think you want to kill me now but whatever you’re doing…stop.” He said determinedly and it apparently surprised Sebastian. He faced the dark road again.

“Sebastian. I want you to stop the car in an instant. If you care about me a bit, you will listen.” Ciel didn’t know himself. He said nothing close to what he felt, he just thought this was the right thing to do. He was afraid he would end up very, very bad if he drove with him. This should have been over a long time ago. “Stop it right now. I’m getting out.”

He actually didn’t think Sebastian would care to listen to what he’s saying, he would probably just smile. But it wasn’t the case. The driver really stopped as soon as he could. Though no other car seemed to be anywhere around. Ciel only took his own coat and exited the car. A freezing night wind attacked him right away. That wasn’t anything to change his mind.

Expectably, he was followed by Sebastian, who at least didn’t want to throw away his plans if he didn’t care about him. Perhaps he wanted Ciel to cool down and be reasonable enough to get back in the car. The younger male headed straight forward, while Sebastian took his coat and followed him – into the woods.

Sebastian used his phone to light up the path and Ciel didn’t turn around, just like Sebastian didn’t, he just knew he’s there behind him. After a few short minutes, Ciel got off the ground and started running away. The shadow was never really far away and to Ciel’s naïve tries he was right behind his heels. When it wasn’t funny anymore, he grabbed him from behind and didn’t let go no matter how hard he tried to get out of the hold.

“You don’t know how much I’d like to kill you.” Ciel said with a hopeless laugh. Now when it was safe, the taller man turned him around and brought closer into an embrace. Ciel didn’t resist but placed fists on his chest instead of around him. They stood like this several minutes and Ciel trembled.

When Sebastian let go, he reached under his coat. He wanted to show Ciel just how very indecisive and careless he was. Maybe it was a sign that sometimes it’s better not to talk at all, than talk in vain. Speech is silver, silence is golden.

A click resounded, Ciel’s heart skipped a beat. He was given an item in his hands, their hands touching a lot during the process. It was quite heavy, steel, cold. Ciel’s hands were shaking so much he could barely take a grip of it. Sebastian helped him out, he held the item with him, lifting it up and making a small step back. The barrel was placed right at his chest. Ciel’s fingers would go loose and he’d drop it without the owner’s support.

It was dark and Ciel wasn’t sure. He understood that Sebastian took his word and gave him the freedom to do it, if he thought he deserved it. That would mean his life is less dear to him than Ciel’s point. Or he thought he simply deserved to die.

On the other hand, was it pointed right to his heart? Was it loaded right and contained real bullets? How hazardous Sebastian was? From what Ciel knew, deadly. Every day in his life was hazard from the moment he met him.

Ciel had his index finger on the trigger. He started sweating. After all, he’s never had anyone else’s life in his hands. It also made him realize just how precious life was. It would be so easy to take it. Himself or anyone else. What it would be like to lose a loved one. Sebastian truly taught him the hardest lessons.

Without warnings, Ciel swiftly put the gun away, turned to his side and fired. The loud bang sounded real. He was deafened for a while. Relaxed as always, Sebastian lifted his arm and pressed a button on his phone to enlighten the direction of the shot. Ciel was taken aback to see a hole in a tree. He didn’t even think he’d hit anything. Then the light went off. So maybe he wasn’t even shitting him. What a freak. Ciel felt like he wanted to know so much more about him. And killing him would never give him that. It was necessary for Sebastian to live, for both of them to live. Next time on: the importance of life and death…

\--

Ciel has cooled down, just like Sebastian wanted. He always gets what he wants and it annoyed Ciel. He couldn’t even leave this world without Sebastian’s permission, he felt so owned. But in this moment, it didn’t feel all so bad:

Sebastian started a fire in the woods. No, didn’t set trees on fire (which wouldn’t be so surprising) but made a fire place and managed to build a fire (again, not with sticks or stones, he had a lighter.) Speaking of a lighter, he’s also lit up a cigarette. Ciel was sitting next to him on the ground. Sebastian’s long coat covered shoulders of both of them. They took turns in smoking the cigarette because why the hell not when Sebastian offered. There was enough light now so they could see the surroundings and each other (except that Ciel didn’t have his glasses and he didn’t care so much).

It was actually terrifying, alone in the woods, in the center of nowhere just with a psychopath with a gun. Define a psychopath, though, Meyrin claimed he’s not. _Well._ It was questionable, what Sebastian really was, perhaps he didn’t know himself. However, Ciel wasn’t very afraid of Sebastian, and with him, not even of the dark night. With him, it was more like _spooky._

Ciel had bigger problems with trust, confusion, depression than fear. Another thing to know, a person can subdue the symptoms of a mental illness but not cure it. Sebastian knew about Ciel’s mental state and he wasn’t hopeful. He knew how to treat him but just sometimes he acted on it. Today he did, today he saved his life and he did it right. Maybe except the kidnapping part.

Despite all, Ciel _felt_ satisfied in this moment. He could forget and forgive. His mind was too heavy with questions (like, why did Sebastian even _have_ a gun?). But he wanted to let it go for a while.

“You probably know.” He said quietly, nearly muttering with his face buried somewhere under Sebastian’s neck when he held him close. For two seconds there was no respond at all but then Ciel swore he felt Sebastian’s head nod. “Maybe you wouldn’t even hold on to this if you knew it was for nothing.” Ciel continued and twitched when Sebastian’s hand on his back made a move to caress him. It was all so clear, all the answers he could read just from Sebastian’s moves and expressions, and _acts._

“But would you get bored, if you had me for granted?” He asked then (practically rhetorically) and lifted his head a bit to see his face. His voice was breaking, almost sounding like he was about to cry but so far he wasn’t. Most people don’t know how sensitive he was until they got to know him. And nobody _gets him_ if they try to know him. Neither Sebastian could exactly feel what he does but he felt like seeing right through him, into his soul; because maybe they were soul mates.

“I think you already are.” He said but it was controversial. Sebastian didn’t have problem with making out with another guy but looking around himself, he wasn’t so sure. Maybe Sebastian didn’t play on ‘faithful’ or ‘dating’. That would be hard to accept.

“Let’s just say..if I witness any kind of such performance ever again, I won’t kill you or myself, perhaps, but I will leave, and I will make sure you never hear of me again. I know a thing or two on you, Sebastian. That is not a threat, that is letting you know I’m getting closer to you than you think and I’m not the only one who is getting out of control.” This was disturbing for Sebastian to hear and though his look was pinned at the dancing fire, there was little bit of panic in his eyes. And hesitation, knowing it’s not as simple as it used to be.

“I appreciate you being in control of everything, because you _usually_ manage,” he continued but approached the end, “it’s true that you take care of me. But sometimes you will also have to listen to what _I_ need. I know you’re probably annoyed. But hell, you drugged me and took me to the middle of nowhere. I’ll tell you what, we go back in the car now, maybe have sex, and then, then you will drive me right back home. Because I disagree with this. And if you want to go anywhere, you will first have to ask me.” Honestly, Ciel was overflowing with adrenaline and he was scared to death about how he will receive this. This was almost asking for a hit with the gun and then waking up somewhere Sebastian intended to go.

No, things change, perhaps. Sebastian glanced at him and _smiled._ Then helped him stand up and after putting out the fire, they headed back. The few minutes of walk were cold but it was warm in the car again. Sebastian again took Ciel’s words literally because his wishes mattered. They had sex on the backseats. About fifteen minutes with the foreplay, the dark outside, the radio on, the heating warming..

Sebastian was touching him gently and there was no need for things to be rushed. In the end, they never know when it might be their last time. Ciel was sighing quietly and he wanted him close. He was determined to find out who his lover is, what his human side is like. He didn’t want to give up on him. But he was also determined to do it for sake of punishing him. And if it has no effect, then there’s no reason for them keep it up. But right now, right now…

Sebastian did know Ciel loved him, he felt it. And he cherished it. He would do anything for him but he was too broke to label his own feelings; to himself, to Ciel or anyone else. Of this all, he was deep inside more afraid than Ciel himself. And when Ciel passed out again (after the intense orgasm) Sebastian sat at the driver’s seat and held a photo in his hand. Something he found when Ciel left him alone for a moment in the woods. Something he never wanted to find because now he had no choice. Everything was ruined. Ciel knew too much and plans change. Sebastian sighed and after he loaded his gun, hiding it close to his body, he started the engine.

Back to Chicago.


End file.
